Expert Suggests Parents Discuss Inappropriate Touching Family Talked with Kids about Evans
By Kelli Lackett
The Coloradoan [Colorado]
April 2, 2007
http://www.coloradoan.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070402/NEWS01/704020323/1002
Shannon Yockey makes it her mission to help parents talk with their children about sexual abuse.
That's why she and her husband, Rob, talked to their children last week when former Catholic priest Tim Evans was convicted of child sexual abuse. Both Kaitelyn, 7, and Stephen, 5, were baptized at St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Parish by Evans.
"They saw his picture in the paper," Yockey said. "We talk about sexual abuse in our home. We talk about parts of the body."
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| Rich Abrahamson The Yockeys share family time Sunday in the backyard of their southwest Fort Collins home. From left are Rob Yockey; his son, Stephen, 5; his daughter, Katelyn, 7; and wife Shannon. Shannon Yockey, a licensed clinical social worker, leads workshops that teach parents how to talk to their children about sexual abuse. Photo by The Coloradoan |
The Yockeys have been parishioners at St. Elizabeth Ann Seton for 11 years. Shannon Yockey, a licensed clinical social worker, leads workshops that teach parents how to talk to their children about sexual abuse. She also is a volunteer for the Larimer Child Advocacy Center.
Although some parents may have felt the need to shield their children from the news about Evans' conviction, Yockey and Val Macri-Lind said it provided a perfect teaching opportunity.
"Here was someone who was trusted and looked up to," said Macri-Lind, clinical director of ChildSafe, a nonprofit treatment program for children who have been sexually abused.
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| Rich Abrahamson Stephen Yockey takes a whack at the ball while playing with his dad, Rob, and the rest of his family Sunday. Photo by The Coloradoan |
"The parents trusted him and the kids trusted him. He tricked them. He started out by listening and being their friend," she said.
A jury determined that Evans, 44, inappropriately touched a 17-year-old boy in 1997 and 1998. Evans served at St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Parish from 1998 to 2002, when he was removed from parish ministry. The Archdiocese of Denver later removed him from the priesthood.
Yockey stressed to her children that not all priests are dangerous.
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"I told them that most priests are not out there to harm people and do these terrible things. Kids get that. They are not afraid of people," Yockey said. "We need to educate our kids that there are bad apples out there. ... We're not going to let a few bad apples spoil our faith."
Yockey talks to lots of parents who shy away from talking to their kids about sexual abuse.
"They are worried they are going to scare them and afraid they will lose their innocence," she said.
| Some local If you suspect that a child is being abused, call Larimer County Human Services, Child Protection Division, 498-6990. • Larimer Child Advocacy Center provides a child-friendly setting for forensic interviews to investigate and has brochures on age-appropriate sexual behavior. • ChildSafe, 493-3833, www.childsafe501.org is a nonprofit treatment program for children who have been abused and their nonoffending parents. • "The Swimsuit Lesson," by Jon Holsten, a Fort Collins police officer (Holsten Books, $15.99), www.holstenbooks.com - for parents to read with their small children • "A Very Touching Book ... for Little People and for Big People," by Jane Hindman (Alexandria Assoc., $11.95) - teaches children what to do if they are touched in inappropriate ways • "Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe and Parents Sane," by Gavin De Becker - for parents of children and teens • "The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence," by Gavin De Becker (Dell, $15) - for parents and teens |
But statistics suggest that child sexual abuse is too prevalent for parents to remain silent, Macri-Lind said. One out of three girls and one out of five boys will be sexually abused before the age of 18, she said.
She suggests parents talk to children about body parts and inappropriate touching as soon as they address other safety issues such as fires and traffic.
"Tell them their bodies are their own and people are not supposed to touch their private parts."
| Tips for parents to talk to children about sexual abuse • Use the accurate name for genitals. • Parents should be explicit about what constitutes "bad touching." • Identify five "safe adults" for your children and tell your child to tell you or another safe adult if someone touches them inappropriately. • Role play with your children with "What if?" scenarios. • Teach children to honor their feelings. Ask them to tell you if something feels strange. • Tell your children they will not get in trouble for telling you about someone touching them even if they are threatened by the person who has touched them. • Parents should trust their intuition about people and not be afraid to speak up to protect their children. • Tell your children that people who hurt children do not necessarily look or seem like bad people. |
Abusers generally "groom" children before they touch them by establishing trust and perhaps offering gifts - or alcohol or drugs to teenagers.
"It happens so slowly over time. The child doesn't know when it turned from something nice to something not nice," Macri-Lind said.
Children often are not able to fight back at the time of abuse for developmental reasons or because they are afraid, she said. Parents need to be alert and trust their own instincts about other adults, she said.
"They want to spend too much time with our kids. That should be a red flag. They want to spend alone time with the kid that doesn't make sense. I hear parents say (later), 'I did feel uncomfortable with this or that, but I didn't want to hurt their feelings.' ... It's OK to be rude to people sometimes."
Contact: KelliLackett@coloradoan.com
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