By Rebecca Papprill
Stuff
December 19, 2007
http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/sundaystartimes/auckland/4328486a6497.html
For 40 years Euan Cameron suppressed the pain from an experience when he was young.
It wasn't until he ended up in respite care that he was forced to confront his ultimate demon.
At 13 Euan was sexually abused by a Catholic priest at a Wellington day school.
Being brought up in a generation where a "priest wouldn't do anything bad", he ended up suffering alone with no one to talk to and found solace in alcohol.
"I always knew there was something I was suppressing, but I couldn't make friends with my demon," he says.
Euan, 61, got to the point where if he didn't face it, he was going to die "by committing suicide or by drinking myself to death".
 |
| DIFFICULT TO FACE: Sexually abused as a teenager Euan Cameron says some of our best gifts come in pretty grotty wrapping. |
The turning point for the Salvation Army supervisor at Epsom Lodge men's hostel was his last drinking binge in 2004 when he fell asleep at home in the afternoon and woke to "people stealing my stuff".
"They attacked me and I ended up in Middlemore Hospital and was put in respite care – I was no longer safe to live by myself."
Euan came from a Catholic family, with the belief that everything Catholic was good.
He never told his late parents. "I was sure they would never believe me," he says.
But his mother's sister "changed her will after I told her, because she was going to leave the church a lot of money".
At the Wellington school, one-on-one tutoring for a year with his French teacher became an activity of ultimate confusion.
"I actually froze when it happened, physically, mentally and spiritually. It was one of total isolation. The most abusive aspect was that priests were God's agents and we were taught to be pure beings and here was a double standard," Euan says.
"Funny thing is that he was one of the best French teachers I had."
When Euan left school he managed to ignore "the nasty experience" of his youth. He says intimacy was difficult for him, so he had a few broken relationships. "I still have hope that I will find someone," he says.
Ten years ago he read an article about sexual abuse allegations.
He contacted the helpline number of a religious order, a group of priests, who helped him find counselling in his area.
At the Counselling Services Centre in Papatoetoe he learnt to deal with the aftermath of being sexually abused and his addiction to alcohol.
"I wasn't very good at bearing pain, but my counsellor and I started out on a series of sessions and I learnt to desensitise the experiences I had.
"You can only supress something for so long."
Through counselling at age 53, Euan discovered that the quality of his life was completely his choice.
"The key to heal for an abused person is to arrive at a point to forgive yourself for attracting the experience and to forgive the perpetrator for being the person who acted it out. It is no longer a threatening ogre hanging over me."
As a result of his own experience Euan this year established a support network Origin Recovery Adventures for abuse victims.
Any original material on these pages is copyright © BishopAccountability.org 2004. Reproduce freely with attribution.