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  'I'm Sorry' Simple Words Not Often Heard

Morning Sentinel
February 14, 2008

http://morningsentinel.mainetoday.com/view/columns/4764678.html

This week, the new Australian Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, did an increasingly rare thing: He apologized, without caveat or qualification.

Rudd publicly declared to the nation's Aborigines: "We apologise for laws and policies of successive parliaments and governments that have inflicted profound grief, suffering and loss on these our fellow Australians."

Rudd's apology was directed at Aboriginal families whose children had, over more than half a century, been forcibly removed from their homes by the government under a now-abandoned policy of assimilation. They became known as the "Stolen Generations."

Rudd's speech occurred more than a decade after a devastating government report on the damage done to the Stolen Generations and their families. It was delivered for maximum effect before the Australian Parliament and seen across the nation on giant TV screens set up in state capitals and at school assemblies.

Three times during the speech, Rudd repeated the phrase, "We say sorry."

Contrast Rudd's frank apology with the less-than-satisfying one given recently by Maine's Bishop Richard Malone.

Earlier this month, reports emerged that Malone gave permission for the Rev. Paul Coughlin, 73, to act as a fill-in priest at parishes in certain communities around the state, despite the fact that Coughlin resigned as a priest in 2004 at Malone's request.

Coughlin had failed to report being told by a child that he had been abused by church volunteer John Skinner, failed to provide help to that child and then allowed Skinner to live in a church rectory without taking precautions or notifying anyone. (Skinner was subsequently sentenced to five years in prison.)

The response to Malone's decision to allow Coughlin to resume his ministry was immediate and sharp. The decision was "a return to the ways of the past," said one advocate for clergy abuse victims, "when ... priests and bishops who covered up for ... abusers were not held responsible and accountable for their actions."

So Malone, who has a much stronger record of dealing effectively with clergy abuse issues than his predecessors, reversed his decision and apologized. But like many apologies by public officials these days, it violated the cardinal rule of apologies your mother taught you: Say you're sorry, and stop there.

"The public outcry over my decision to allow him some public ministry has made it clear that I misjudged the possibility of an effective ministry for Fr. Coughlin," said Malone. "I apologize to abuse victims and all the Catholic faithful who feel betrayed by my earlier decision.

"It was never my intention to offend or cause you distress," Malone continued.

Malone should have simply said he was sorry. It's not enough to say, as many of the publicly contrite do these days, that one is sorry because the offended "feel bad as a result of what I've done."

After making remarks that women perhaps weren't up to being good scientists, Harvard President Lawrence Summers apologized by saying, "I deeply regret the impact of my comments and apologize for not having weighed them more carefully." So he was upset that others were upset?

After Hip-Hop mogul Russell Simmons publicly called Sen. Barack Obama a "mouse" he backpedaled and said "I'd like to publicly apologize to Sen. Obama for any hurt it has caused." But, presumably, he still thinks Obama's a mouse.

What's mousy is an apology that half-blames those who were offended.

Either say you're sorry, or stand up for what you have done or said.

 
 

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