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  Healing after Pastor Abuse

Arizona Republic
April 7, 2008

http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/arizonaliving/articles/0407abby0408.html

Dear Abby: I'm writing in response to "In True Love in Washington" (Feb. 4), about the 16-year-old who became pregnant by her pastor. What she described is not a "love" relationship; it is an abusive one. A pastor who has a sexual relationship with a member of his congregation is misusing his power, and this constitutes clergy sexual misconduct.

You were correct when you stated that "if there is any 'shaming,' " it should be directed at the pastor. Unfortunately, that is not typically the case. The shaming of victims that follows disclosure is nearly unbearable. Church officials typically collude in denial or cover up the problem. Rarely is there any care for the victim.

For this reason, a sex-abuse therapist and a spiritual director familiar with this type of abuse are helpful in the healing process. In addition, it is vital for the victim and her family to find the support of someone who has lived through clergy sexual misconduct.

- C.W., Muskegon, Mich.

Dear C.W.: Thank you for your valuable suggestions. Other readers offered additional steps. Read on:

Dear Abby: Hopefully there are church leaders who will take this situation seriously and not ignore it. Far too many people in the pews feel it is not their place to hold someone accountable for mistakes. The congregation will need someone trained in dealing with this kind of situation to help them heal as well.

- Reverend Joanna

Dear Abby: After being told, the mother should contact the police and the district attorney. Reverend Ron is a sexual predator who has taken advantage of a vulnerable young girl. He needs to be stopped and removed from any and all contact with young teens.

- Therapist

in Longmont, Colo.

 
 

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