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  'Give the Poor Padre a Break'

By Carl Hiaasen
Miami Herald
May 9, 2009

http://www.miamiherald.com/424/story/1039260.html

The bad news for the Roman Catholic Church:

Father Alberto Cutié, the widely popular priest at St. Francis de Sales in Miami Beach, was photographed cavorting romantically on a Florida beach.

The good news: He was with a woman, thank God, not an altar boy.

Given the torrent of sordid revelations in recent years, the church should be positively giddy with relief that one of its rising stars was caught snuggling with a very adult-looking female.

No apparent felony was in progress while Cutié and his companion rolled in the sand, although he obviously wasn't administering one of the sacraments.

After the photos were published last week by a Spanish-language magazine, Cutié apologized for his actions and church authorities removed him from his post at St. Francis de Sales.

The decision has upset many parishioners and reopened the debate over the celibacy vow that Catholic priests still are required to take. No one knows how many wise and decent men have been deterred from pursuing the priesthood by the moldy rule -- imposed almost four centuries after Christ died -- that forbids sex or marriage.

Not surprisingly, the number of active priests has been shrinking precipitously for decades, and the church is starved for novitiates. My late uncle was a priest who taught at a Washington, D.C., seminary that had once been bustling; these days the dorms are nearly empty. The church won't attract many new candidates for the priesthood by punishing Cutié, one of its most charismatic and well-known young clerics.

That's not to say his judgment that morning on the beach was razor-sharp. A vow is a vow.

And as an advice columnist, radio host, best-selling author and TV personality ("Padre Oprah" is his nickname), Cutié ought to have known that somebody might recognize him.

Surely he should've thought twice before letting his priestly paw meander inside the bottom of his partner's swimsuit. Maybe there was an issue with sand fleas, or perhaps the woman suffered an itch -- this is for the Lord to judge.

One thing is certain: Such temptations have clouded the minds of men since we humped out of the primal muck.

If one were defending Father Cutié before his superiors, you could make a strong case that his geographic assignment was one of the most brutally taxing in all the vast realm of Catholicism:

Imagine being a healthy, single 39-year-old working in South Beach -- and you're sworn to celibacy? It's like the Vatican version of waterboarding.

Give the poor padre a break. Jesus himself would get whiplash on Ocean Drive, where impure thoughts come in waves, often on roller blades.

When the Washington Post recently asked Cutié how he preached in such an environment, he gave a good answer:

"People come to the beach for all kinds of things: night life, partying, dancing, sex, vacations, to have fun. Probably the last thing on people's minds is . . . spirituality, but my little church is a spiritual oasis in the middle of the noise of South Beach. I really believe that you find God in the most unique places."

If the church holds strictly to custom, Cutié could be shipped out of Miami Beach and relocated somewhere far away. That's what typically happens to priests who stray.

There was one in Sarasota who secretly "married" himself to a woman parishioner and purchased a house with her. When the archdiocese found out, he was promptly put on a plane to California and ordered to stay in a retreat with other wayward colleagues.

To banish a priest with Cutié's large following would be ultimately more damaging to the church than to the man. Anticipating such an outcome, local Episcopal leaders already have made it clear that they'd be thrilled to welcome Father Alberto to the fold.

Episcopal priests are free to date and marry. Bishop Leo Frade of the Episcopal Diocese of South Florida said, "For us, a single guy on the beach with his girlfriend is no problem."

What a concept -- you can do God's work and still have a normal relationship with a person of the opposite sex.

For the Miami archdiocese, losing Father Cutié to the Episcopalians would be like the Yankees losing Derek Jeter to the Red Sox. Unfortunately, the pool at the Delano will freeze over before the current Vatican softens its position on celibacy.

Ironically, some of the original Apostles were married, including a heavy hitter named Peter. He became the first Pope, and there's no historical evidence that his wife ever distracted him from his holy duties. Who knows if he would have been as strong -- free and single on South Beach.

 
 

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