Father Some Want More Than a Sermon Popular Cuban-American Priest and Radio Host Rev. Alberto Cutie Was Stripped of His Parish and Is Now Considering Leaving the Church to Marry the Woman for Whom He Broke 22 Years of Celibacy, by Zosia Bielski, Globe and Mail (Canada), May 14, 2009

Father, Some Want More Than a Sermon
Popular Cuban-American Priest and Radio Host Rev. Alberto Cutie Was Stripped of His Parish and Is Now Considering Leaving the Church to Marry the Woman for Whom He Broke 22 Years of Celibacy

By Zosia Bielski
Globe and Mail (Canada)
May 14, 2009

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20090514.wlcutie14art1830/BNStory/lifeFamily/home

The priest lay shirtless on a North Florida beach, a shapely, dark-haired woman wrapping her arms around him. While she removed her T-shirt, he languorously put a hand on her rump.

The scene, captured by a Mexican gossip magazine last week, would be Rev. Alberto Cutie's undoing. The popular Cuban-American priest and radio host, who once earned the nickname "Father Oprah" for his relationship advice, was stripped of his parish and is now considering leaving the church to marry the woman for whom he broke 22 years of celibacy.

"I believe I've fallen in love, and I believe I've struggled with that, between my love for God, my love for the church and my love for service," a choked-up Father Cutie told CBS on Monday morning, when he appeared wearing a suit jacket and white shirt, not his priest collar.

The story has stirred theological debate about the challenges celibacy presents for the Roman Catholic Church. As with other priestly dalliances, it has also captured more salacious imaginations.

Last year, a priest in Asson, France, admitted to having a clandestine 22-year relationship with a widowed parishioner with three children.A fellow priest had alerted his superiors to the liaison, but Rev. Léon Laclos insisted that his love for the woman, named Marga, brought him closer to his congregation and to God. He was dismissed from his parish, and he declined an offer to relocate to the Ivory Coast.

"Marga has made me a good priest," he told the London Telegraph. "... A lot of my parishioners look at me and say, 'Well, here's a priest who loves the church but who listens to us, who understands us and who lives like us.' "

A similar story played out in a small village near Padua, Italy, in 2007. A priest who declared his love for a woman was banned from hearing confessions and removed from his pastoral duties.

In both cases, the parishioners stood in solidarity with their priests, refusing to attend their replacements' masses.

The topic has also captivated Hollywood for some time.

Rev. Alberto Cutie, pictured in 1999, has been given time to reassess his calling after it was revealed he has a girlfriend.
Photo by Tony Gutierrez

In The Sopranos, Carmela Soprano's parish priest, Rev. Phil Intintola, shows up unannounced in a rainstorm, gorges himself on her baked ziti and takes her confession. On the verge of a kiss, Father Intinola recoils, vomits in the bathroom and crashes on her couch. Confronted by husband Tony, she yells, "Do I look like the friggin' thorn bird over here?"

She's referring to the bestselling novel and subsequent 1980s television miniseries, The Thorn Birds, which followed the torrid love affair of Meggie Cleary and Rev. Ralph de Bricassart in Australia's sheep country. Although her aunt lures the priest away with a bequest that sees him rise through the ranks, Meggie and Father Bricassart eventually consummate their passion on an isolated island, conceiving a doomed love child.

So what is the appeal of a man in robes?

"For some people, the very forbidden quality of a priest or sister can be a point of attraction. It's edgy, a little dangerous, certainly exotic to fancy one's self crossing such a line," said Robert Bérard, president of the Canadian Chapter of the Fellowship of Catholic Scholars and director of teacher education at Mount Saint Vincent University in Halifax.

"In other cases, we see people who fundamentally don't understand or accept the vow of celibacy taking on themselves the task of saving the priest or sister from what they see as a lonely, loveless life."

But in most cases, Dr. Bérard said, inappropriate attachments are formed when a person misreads spiritual counselling. "Sometimes the individual becomes so dependent on the counsellor that he or she cannot imagine being without the person at some point. In some cases, women with children will see a caring, pastoral priest as not only a potentially caring and supportive husband but the kind of man they would see as an ideal father."

Dr. Bérard likens it to other relationships that involve trust: "We regularly read of doctors and patients, lawyers and clients falling into one another's arms."

Seminary formation helps priests understand "the nature of the sorts of crushes people get on priests (and vice-versa) and how to deal with them," he said in an e-mail.

Toronto Archbishop Thomas Collins said Father Cutie's romance is tantamount to an infidelity, except that, in this case, the wife is the Roman Catholic Church. "In a certain sense, you might say he's a married man. He's married to the mission. Everyone in those situations, ... granted the frailty of human nature, can be drawn away from their commitment."

Archbishop Collins's advice: "I'd be encouraging him to think deeply, to pray deeply and thoughtfully and to recommit himself to the promise he made on the day he was ordained a deacon. It's a solemn promise and one that's designed to follow very fully in the missionary footsteps of St. Paul, in the intimation of Christ our Lord himself, and just to give himself completely to the people."

Outside Father Cutie's parish in Miami Beach last week, more than 100 people waved posters and chanted their forgiveness. In an apology issued online, the priest thanked them for demonstrating "great compassion and understanding toward me as a human being."

Speaking about his girlfriend, the priest, who wrote the book Real Life, Real Love: 7 Paths to a Strong, Lasting Relationship, told CBS that he is still struggling between the clergy and marriage. The bishop has given him time to reassess his calling.

Asked about what his girlfriend wanted, Father Cutie replied, "Do you know any woman who doesn't want to marry the person they love?"