Survivors Reach out to Others Who Have Been Abused
Morrison County Record
May 14, 2009
http://www.mcrecord.com/main.asp?SectionID=2&SubSectionID=2&ArticleID=52841
During a public forum in Little Falls May 2, four men shared their stories. Stories of trust betrayed and pain and shame endured in silence.
Three of the men experienced their betrayal at the hands of their parish priest. The fourth, at the hands of a foster parent.
"For 35 years I wondered why God had forsaken me," said Bob Schwiderski of Wayzata. "It took a group of Christian men to convince me he hadn't."
As he spoke, Schwiderski wore on the front of his shirt a photo of himself as a child. "I may be gray and thin on top, and have a Marlboro voice, but this is who was abused," he said as he pointed to the picture, "At age 7."
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| Bob Schwiderski, director of Minnesota Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP) wore a photo himself as a 7-year-old child. “I may be gray and thin on top, but this is who was abused,” he said pointing to the photo. Staff photo by Terry Lehrke |
Now 60, Schwiderski has spent a lifetime looking for answers, and now helps others looking for answers.
The answers sought are to the questions about his life, his feelings, confusion and his shame. It came to a head when he fainted in church, after seeing his own son in altar boy garb for the first time. "I was in a fetal position for three days," said Schwiderski.
"I got my answers," (from the church) he said, adding his pursuit was never about money.
"I wanted to know what kind of Band Aid to put on a bleeding mind to stop the insanity," said Schwiderski. "The most important agreement was that they (the institution his abuser belonged to) would create a program to respond to those hurt."
"Sexual abuse is a crime of silence with resulting injuries laden with shame, guilt, confusion and silence. The social fabric in Minnesota's rural environments add additional hurdles to stepping from the silence of sexual abuse," said Schwiderski, who grew up in Hector. He said he knew of at least 26 boys in that town of 1,200 that were abused by the same perpetrator.
Schwiderski wanted to bring the discussion to Little Falls and the surrounding area, because of its proximity to the Crosier Seminary School in Onamia, where many children were sent to school in the past. And where it was discoverd some students were sexually abused from the 1960s to the 1980s, as brought out during a legal settlement in February.
Although Schwiderski is the director of Minnesota Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP), when in Little Falls he reached out to all survivors of sexual abuse, including both men and women, boys and girls, regardless of their abusers. "All of God's children," he said.
"We're here to do what we can to help cause healing, recovery and prevention," said Schwiderski. "We do what we can to show folks why it's so important to break the silence and reach out."
Schwiderski told those present, "The only difference between us is that I might have had a dynamic that you don't have, because in my case it was a Catholic priest."
Schwiderski spoke of abusing alcohol "to escape from the inner pain."
When his marriage ended, he said he didn't blame his wife. "I didn't blame her. She was a survivor of sexual abuse, because she married me."
His three children, he said, were also survivors.
"The perpetrator may have abused me, but the negative dynamics affected my blood family," said Schwiderski.
Craig Martin, Central Minnesota Sexual Assault Center (CMSAC), also abused by a priest as a child, spent years searching for answers as well.
He came forth in 2000 and said a priest saved his life. "He told me to get sober first." Later Martin would testify in front of the Bishop's Conference about the abuse.
"We need to help men validate their stories. To say, 'I hear you,' and 'I feel your pain,'" said Martin.
Childhood sexual abuse, according to the Centers for Disease Control, said Schwiderski, is the primary social sickness in this country. "Yet, interestingly enough, the government only wants to get the bad guy."
He spoke of the school teacher in Jordan who told the courts he had probably abused 100 kids. "Not one dollar went to outreach for the kids," said Schwiderski. "Nothing occurred relative to the healing and recovery of those injured."
That is where Schwiderski feels any money should go - to help survivors.
What makes the work Schwiderski does worthwhile he said is, "Knowing each awareness activity results in knowledge building and a path for a survivor, family or loved one to step from the shadows of silence and step forward for healing and recovery. And, knowing each awareness activity adds another positive building block to the social awareness of 'prevention' of childhood sexual abuse."
Father Tom Carkhuff, the prior provincial of the U.S. Crosier Province, was not at the session. But he said he hears often from those who say, because of sexual abuse, "My life is in shambles. I need help. We offer them resources for help."
Although the Province doesn't employ staff educated as counselors or psychologists, they can direct people where to go for help. And in some instances, also offer financial help to cover the expense.
David Kostik, communications manager for the Crosier Province said years ago, "Sexual abuse was not talked about publicly. There was no public discussion. The Church has borne the burden of a lot of sexual abuse.
Carkhuff, who speaks only for the Crosier order, said the Crosier Province screens members and priests in an effort to prevent further abuse. "Because of the misconduct, the screening process has developed even more; and that's a plus. It offers better overall discernment," he said.
"We're hopeful we can help victim survivors work toward peace," said Carkhuff. "Regretfully, we can't undo what's been done. But we can work to unburden them. I'm committed to that. Our Order is committed to that."
Resources for survivors
Julie Kapsch, sexual assault coordinator of the Hands for Hope Resource Center in Little Falls said an adult woman's support group for sexual abuse survivors meets the first and third Thursday of every month.
Kapsch said a men's group is currently being formed, and those interested may call the same number. "Our agency can help sexual assault survivors at any stage of recovery," she said. "Whether it's newly reported abuse, or those dealing with something as an adult that happened as a child. We work with all different survivors of sexual violence."
Those who are interested in either group, or who want more information may call Hands of Hope at (320) 632-1657.
People may also make contact with SNAP online at www.snapnetwork.org, or call Bob Schwiderski at (952) 471-3422.
Craig Martin, male services coordinator for Central Minnesota Sexual Assault Center (CMSAC) may be reached at (320) 251-4357.
Father Tom Carkhuff said the Crosiers also offer resources to those who need help. Call (602) 443-7100 or visit the Crosier Web site www.crosier.org and click on the "About Us" section, for more information.
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