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	Spiritual, Not Religious By Jaime Romo Healing and Spirituality January 11, 2010 http://jjromo.wordpress.com/ I heard the other day that the third largest religious group behind Catholic and Baptist in the United States was ’spiritual, but not religious.’ It makes sense from the context of clergy abuse. Religious authority sexual abuse (RASA) victims were victimized because they were deeply religious. I was once one of those religious people who worked hard to be the perfect follower, and later a super-priest at that. Given the ongoing reports of religious authority sexual abuse and cover up, why would why would anyone continue to be religious? In my December 10 interview with Sue Griffith, I referenced Thomas Doyle and Marianne Benkert’s article about Religious Duress, which makes that intuitively obvious point clearer. On the other hand, I recently saw the documentary, One, which I recommend, about many people’s views of spirituality. Fr. Thomas Keating beautifully answered a question about the spiritual path (not the religious path). He said that there were three stages in the spiritual path. First, a person realizes that there is an Other, a higher power, God, or whatever we discover and call it. Then, a person tries to become that Other. Then, the person realizes that there is no Other. In other words, we are the Other. We are One. Some religious people are in that first group, knowing that there’s something out there. Some are in the second group, working hard to get it right when it comes to a particular religious practice to get to that something out there. I think that Keating and many others are pointing to a counter-intuitive step that transcends religion or being religious: realizing that there is no God out there. As many of the interviewees from various faith traditions echoed, we are all God. I’m not saying that survivors have figured spirituality out, although many have taken the first step: to let go of religiosity. I imagine that many survivors are stuck without religion just as there are many stuck with religion. I believe that the next act is to step into the unknown and take on a new practice, one that is internally centered and not defined by inherited or external practice. Imagine the most beautiful and valuable art piece you know of. Years ago, I spent a week in a remote town in the state of Chihuahua, Mexico, called Mata Ortiz. I worked with one of the master potters, who had been trained by Juan Quezada himself, the second citizen in Mexican history to be declared a national treasure for his restoration and expansion of the ancient Paquime pottery tradition. We collected clay from the riverbed, prepared it for use, built the layers and formed, sanded, oiled and then carefully painted the pots before firing the pots (all without electricity or other modern help). Our paintbrushes were fashioned from strands of hair from our own heads, just as they had been done hundreds of years ago with the Paquime Indians, which makes the extraordinary painting done by these potters even more impressive. I was surrounded by phenomenal artists. When I imagine precious art, I think of their works. Religion, scripture studies, and theology, in my mind, are much like these exquisite works of art. Some people dedicate years of study, research, and focus to be experts in these fields, to be able to differentiate between real art and high or low quality artistry, between authentic scriptural interpretation and misinformation. In our religious formation, we developed a world view through religious education; we came to associate great value with the teachings of these traditions. Perhaps they became as awesome or as precious as Michaelangelo’s David or the Sistine Chapel or whatever your most valuable art piece is. These are breathtaking works of art. The art piece may cost tens of thousands of dollars, even millions. Think of a Rembrandt or Van Gogh painting and appreciate the story of its creation, preservation, and brilliance. Let it inspire you and confirm that its maker was touched by God to have produced something so valuable, so extraordinary, so worth millions of dollars. Fall in love with it. What if the spirituality, enlightenment, healing or deep happiness was inside the David? What if your salvation were on the other side of the Sistine Chapel and could only be reached by breaking through it? Would you do it? Is salvation so important that you would break what you have held to be priceless, even touched by God? Rather than destroying a church, temple or people who worship where you or others were abused, I suggest letting them go if you desire happiness and peace. I believe that happiness and peace following RASA are the bi-products of reconciling our former abuse with the joys, desires and hopeful experiences and our own spiritual lives. My suffering, depression, and PTSD led me to an appreciation that I was spiritually dead, and that it was time to let go of the sentimentality or veneration of the religious traditions in which I had died. My difficult and painful mourning was the key that opened the door from my virtual death row sentence to my spiritual release. The difference between religious and spiritual is the difference between illusion and disillusionment. Perhaps one of the best ways to understand the illusions is to face the abuse and abusers in religious settings. Perhaps this will lead you to join another church or temple where you find support and appreciation for your recovery and spiritual path. Perhaps it means detaching from external religious traditions and paying attention to your soul and spiritual life through meditation. Perhaps it means a combination of these paths. I went to a friendly interfaith meeting of leaders from many traditions last week. We learned about a recent Parliament of the World’s Religions that took place in Australia. It sounded like a deeply spiritual gathering and set of experiences. And then we saw a video in which one Aboriginal elder gifted the Dalai Lama with a special animal skin gift. It was a bit funny to watch this cultural or religious clash, registered as surprise on his face and awkwardness in this vegetarian’s body language to sit comfortably with the animal skin. People in the audience were laughing. The meeting ended with each person announcing upcoming religious events and extending invitations to everyone else to attend. The last person to speak was a deacon from a local Catholic parish who proudly announced a religious education conference that takes place in Anaheim every spring. He said it was a wonderful gathering, in the spirit of the gathering we had been discussing. He must not have known that the priest who founded that conference sexually abused children. He certainly didn’t know that that same priest sexually abused me. And I sat there, considering the sincerity of this religious gift he was offering, knowing that it meant something very different to me and many others than what it meant to him. I think that spirituality is the best of what religiosity is after. To me, spiritual means choosing and creating religious and other organizations that see beyond the illusions that allowed for child sexual abuse. Spiritual, not religious. Dr. Jaime J. Romo is the author of soon to be released, “Healing the Sexually Abused Heart: A Workbook for Survivors, Thrivers, and Supporters.”
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