BishopAccountability.org
	An Interview with Compassionate Gathering Co-Founder, Virginia Jones By Jaime Romo Healing and Spirituality January 21, 2010 http://jjromo.wordpress.com/ UNITED STATES -- Virginia Jones co-founded a group, Compassionate Gathering (www.compassionategathering.com) with clergy abuse survivor, Elizabeth Goeke, to bring survivors together with other Catholics for mutual healing and understanding. Other survivors and supporters came to the group for healing. One supporter decided to walk across Oregon in 2008 to stop child sex abuse. She asked Virginia for her help with the media. Virginia saw the potential for healing and outreach as well as consciousness raising and walked across Oregon again in 2009. She plans to keep walking across Oregon every summer to end child abuse. JR: How did you get involved with the work to promote healing from clergy abuse? VJ: I think this work found me rather me finding it. I was baptized Catholic in June 2001. Eleven months later the dynamic Franciscan priest who baptized me was removed because he abused boys. My first response was to believe everything the Catholic Church said, but from the very beginning something bothered me. Church leadership seemed insensitive to the needs of ordinary parishioners for healing. Our church had a wonderful Parochial Vicar, Fr. Chuck Talley. Fr. Church presided over several forums in the weeks that followed the removal of the abusive priest. People were very angry, very hurt, and very divided. Fr. Chuck managed to reach out to everyone on all sides and make them feel cared about and welcomed. But instead of making Fr. Chuck pastor, the Franciscans brought in a priest who I would describe as emotionally clunky. The result was parishioners began to drift away from the parish. I began my own slow, anguished search for the questions the Franciscans left unanswered. In the process I discovered that the abusive priest's proclivities had been know for more than twenty years and that the survivor who had come forward more than twenty years before, had never been properly cared for. I shared my newfound knowledge with other parishioners and got myself kicked out of my parish. Several months later, a new Franciscan pastor of the parish, Fr. Armando Lopez, apologized to me for how I was treated by previous church leadership and eventually supported forums being held in the parish on the issue of clergy abuse. JR: What has been difficult in these efforts? VJ: Remaining in the Catholic Church after being thrown out of a parish was incredibly difficult. The disbelief and lack of support from other parishioners has been incredibly difficult and disheartening to cope with. This work has also taken an enormous toll on my private life. JR: What has been surprising or positive? When we listen compassionately to someone who is deeply wounded, we become a part of his or her healing process. Helping someone heal is incredibly uplifting. The Compassionate Listening also helps survivors of clergy abuse forgive and reconcile. Reconciliation feels wonderful for everyone in the room not just the people reconciling. I think if more survivors and other Catholics understood how healing and uplifting the reconciliation produced by Compassionate Listening is, they would be rushing to participate. JR: When I heard about your walk across Oregon, I was reminded of Peace Pilgrim, a woman who walked across the U.S. several times in the 70s/80s for peace. How did you come up with the idea of Walk for Oregon?? In September 2007, a woman whose children had been abused by a family member heard about us on local NPR affiliate in Oregon. Not only were her children not abused by a Catholic priest, but her family wasn't Catholic. This mother wanted justice for her children but found many closed doors. She wanted to connect with people working on sex abuse. She kept to our Compassionate Gatherings for emotional support. The first Walk Across Oregon was her idea. She saw a documentary about Granny D running for senate in New Hampshire and walking around New Hampshire to publicize her ideas and decided to Walk Across Oregon to rally people to put an end to the statue of limitations on the criminal prosecution of abuse. However, her children were so afraid of the man who abused them; they forbad their mother from revealing her name in public. The mother asked for my help with both walking and speaking to the media. I also helped with writing an itinerary, press releases and contacting the media. Although I agree with ending the statue of limitations on abuse cases because the lack of access to justice is really wounding to many survivors, outreach and support for healing were always my focus. The law the Mother wanted passed the Oregon legislature in the first half of 2009, so she went her way, but I decided to keep walking Across Oregon because the opportunities for outreach and healing were so enormous. Because my children are still relatively young I adapted the Walk to their need to have fun. It turns out that we make more contacts with other people when we have fun. Fun, particularly fun in nature, is also healing. A domestic violence survivor and a child abuse survivor accompanied us on the 2009 Walk along waterfalls in the Columbia River Gorge. Both found walking by waterfalls very uplifting and healing. We plan more time spent both walking through towns and relaxing in nature on the 2010 Walk Across Oregon. JR: You also host Compassionate Listening sessions. How did these begin? How are those going? VJ: Our Compassionate Gatherings during which we listen to people wounded by abuse on all sides of the issue grew out of forums on clergy abuse I helped to inspire in my parish. Unfortunately these forums were run by lay people employed or under contract with the Catholic Church. When one couple talked for fifteen minutes about their pain over finding out that an abusive priest served in our parish, she allowed them to speak uninterrupted, but when I brought up the painful truth about leadership knowing about the abusive priests' abuse, failure to care for the survivor, failure to remove the priest from ministry, and failure to tell parishioners about it, she attempted to stop me from speaking and allowed other parishioners to interrupt me, criticize me and put me down. I found the forum incredibly painful. The lesson I learned is that not many Catholics, either leadership or parishioners, are able to embrace compassionately the stories clergy abuse survivors tell. Following one forum, while doing research on the Internet, I found a reference to The Compassionate Listening Project. I knew instinctively that Compassionate Listening was what is needed to bring all sides together. I started studying Compassionate Listening with The Compassionate Listening Project We humans think we are compassionate. The problem is we are often triggered to anger or pain by words that challenge our beliefs. Catholics want to believe in the goodness of their Church. The stories survivors tell are painful for them hear. It is not that the people of the Catholic Church are evil or uncaring, they are just wounded and scared themselves, and they don't know what to do. They are wounded that so much abuse happened in their church. They are wounded by scandalous media stories and expensive lawsuits. They want to believe that everything has been taken care of. Finding out that there are still many wounded people who don't feel cared for and supported and that abuse still takes places, is incredibly painful. Healing the wounds of clergy abuse is a spiritual journey for survivors. It is also a spiritual journey for the people of the Church. Just as we can't expect survivors to forgive and forget and move on quickly, we can't expect the ordinary Catholic to "get it" and heal their own wounds and do the right thing by clergy abuse survivors quickly. Many Catholics don't have the emotional tools to listen, process and respond compassionately to the stories clergy abuse survivors tell. But these skills can be taught and that is what Compassionate Gathering does. We train our members to listen compassionately. We haven't helped large numbers of people. This is a step-by-step process of helping one person, one family at a time. We have also listened to parishioners. From the very beginning, people other than clergy abuse survivors have been attracted to our Gatherings. We ended up listening to anyone who came to us. At the same time, this practice of compassion for the whole community increases our legitimacy within the Catholic Church. We aren't simply going after the Catholic Church; we provide a service for the whole community. Moreover we have been enriched by people who have nothing to do with the Catholic clergy abuse issue, for example the mother who inspired the Walk Across Oregon. JR: You strike me as a tenacious person. What gives you strength? VJ: Truthfully, my faith in God gives me the strength to go forward. I feel insecure about our group being so small and then I read descriptions of Jesus that describe him as leading just a small group of followers. Two thousand years later Christianity is a religion with hundreds of millions of followers. I read Jesus' words about following the narrow rocky path, and I understand that doing the right thing isn't about doing what is easy but about overcoming great challenges. I am also inspired by many saints and by Christian and non-Christian mystics, such as Gandhi, who persevered through incredible odds to achieve their goals. I am also inspired by the Dalai Lama, who has yet to achieve his goal of returning to Tibet, but his loving and nonviolent resistance of the Chinese communist government has turned Tibetan Buddhism into a world religion. No I haven't managed to change the minds of many Catholics about the Church's approach to the clergy abuse issue, but sometimes the journey is more important than the destination. JR: How has your understanding of God and church changed over the years, as a result of your work to raise awareness and promote healing from Clergy Sexual abuse? VJ: The honest truth is that as a convert, I have always struggled with concepts such as papal infallibility and obedience. I did not become a Catholic because I was inspired by Pope John Paul II or the Archbishop of the Archdiocese of Portland, the Honorable John Vlazny, because I was not inspired by them. I was inspired by Catholic saints and mystics including St. Francis of Assisi, Theresa of Avila, John of the Cross, Catherine of Sienna, Elizabeth of Hungary, Anthony of Padua and Joan of Arc. I was impressed by how the Catholic Church inspired these saints and then sometimes oppressed them, but ultimately recognized them and supported them at least did so after they died. I wanted to be a part of a force for good in the world. At first I tried to follow Church leadership. I put priests on pedestals as holy men. The clergy abuse scandal challenged everything I believed. In my pain I clung to the church at first. I felt media hungry people and greedy lawyers were persecuting the Church I loved. Finding the truth was a slow, step-by-step process. Everyone in the Catholic Church I put on a pedestal, fell off his pedestal. At the same time every single Catholic I work with is very devout and is deeply involved in their parishes. The challenge to faith is not to believe in infallibility of Church leadership but to believe in the Catholic Church knowing all of its flaws. For all of its flaws, the Catholic Church has inspired thousands, if not millions of people, to do good in this world, over the last two millennia. JR: What is giving you encouragement in your work as an advocate to end child abuse? VJ: The work we do is incredibly uplifting. First I get thanks from people for helping them. Thanks feels really good. I feel great when I help people achieve their dreams such as the mother who inspired the Walk Across Oregon achieve her dreams, but the greatest uplift I feel is when there is obvious healing such as when there is a reconciliation. During one of our most moving Gatherings we brought a survivor who had been abused by a Santa Barbara Franciscan priest together with Fr. Armando, who is also a Santa Barbara Franciscan priest. The survivor told his story and then Fr. Armando apologized to the survivor as a Franciscan priest in a way that the survivor felt was genuine. The two men hugged. My partner in this work, clergy abuse survivor Elizabeth Goeke, had tears in her eyes. "I am so honored to be a part of this; we are on holy ground here," she said.
Any original material on these pages is copyright © BishopAccountability.org 2004. Reproduce freely with attribution.