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  From Hurting, to Healing, to Helping: an Interview with Elaina Kroll, Founder of the Innocence Mission

By Jaime Romo
Healing and Spirituality
March 25, 2010

http://www.jaimeromo.com/blog/

JR: You’re the founder of an organization called, The Innocence Mission. What is the Innocence Mission and how did you develop its focus?

EK: The Innocence Mission is an organization that is dedicated to the eradication of child sexual abuse (CSA) throughout our society. I became committed to this cause after my own perpetrator pled guilty for his crime, and I realized just how rare of an opportunity this is for victims. I also became abhorred at the many instances of abuse and other’s stories I regularly found being shared with me. The pervasiveness of the problem is what ultimately made me decide that something needed to be done to start to address these issues.

JR: You were a lifetime Catholic, and very involved in parish life. When you reported your abuse, what reactions did you get from others?

EK: Wow… well, it definitely wasn’t the pastoral reaction I would have expected from the many that I knew through parish life. In fact, I really didn’t get much reaction at all. They seemed to be handling it almost in a state of denial, which is another reason I feel so passionately about making sure that The Innocence Mission becomes an organization that reaches out to and supports survivors of CSA.

JR: Unlike many survivors who do not see a concrete resolution to their perpetrator’s actions, you actually brought your perpetrator to trial. What was that experience like?

EK: It is the reason I am doing what I am doing today. I am a strong advocate for victims to come forward and report their perpetrators to law enforcement because of what my own experience brought me. I never understood what great power hearing that guilty plea would have over my own healing, forgiveness, and self worth. It was an amazing and awe inspiring sense of relief and freedom. It’s almost hard to put into words. But it is what motivates me to help other’s find the justice that they so deserve.

JR: My sense is that the process of identifying the abuse, reporting it and coming to a sense of resolution is a long process for most survivors. How has the relatively quick conviction impacted your healing and transformation process?

EK: Unlike many survivors, I did not get to choose my time of reporting. It was done for me, and though I have been somewhat regretful about this, I can’t change it. What I did have to do is face it head on – I had no other choice. Thankfully, after receiving my settlement, I was able to take a year off to do exactly that: face my trauma and healing head on.

It was an incredibly hard time in my life, but I am thankful for having the tools and support that I had which helped see me through the dark days. After that year, it became obvious that my life was forever changed, and that I needed to make the negative of my past into a positive for other’s futures.

JR: I don’t know of any survivor who doesn’t want, above all else, to make sure that no one else experiences sexual abuse, particularly by religious authorities. What ways to you see your organization contributing to this vision?

EK: It’s so true. So many survivor’s come to me with the words “I want to help” and “What can I do”. Especially once they have worked through their own trauma, they become incredibly committed to wanting to help other’s avoid that trauma. What is great about our organization is that we are able to help put survivors into action through our workshop series “A Day to Make a Difference – The Keys to Empowerment”, where survivors learn tools to not only aid in their own recovery, but to help use their own experience and stories to help others heal, as well as to inform, so that through informing and reporting, we can start to discourage perpetrators and see the instances of abuse go down.

JR: This represents a new direction in your life. What are you learning about being an advocate for change? What is difficult and what is encouraging?

EK: Every day is a new day. That is my motto. It is so easy when one becomes convicted by a cause to become overwhelmed and burned out by hoping to change the world overnight. This simply is not possible. We must celebrate the daily victories, the simple steps move us closer to the goals of our missions.

One of my first objectives with The Innocence Mission was to start to break the silence around child sexual abuse, and I do that every day. Every day I am having informative conversations with individuals around this topic – and every day I am living my mission. When I think of it that way, I become encouraged and motivated to keep working and taking that next step, closer to change, and closer to eradication.

JR: We’ve talked about the symbolism of a butterfly for survivors. How does that image relate to your life as a result of dealing with your abuse?

EK: Oh truly, there is no better symbol. Butterflies are the ultimate manifestation of what transformation can look like in our lives. But it’s not only the beautiful butterfly that speaks so loudly, but the reality of the cocoon – the fact that we must enter the dark spaces and spend time there before we are ever able to heal, transform, and ultimately fly.

JR: What has been most helpful to you in your re-construction or re-building process?

EK: This is a hard question, because I feel that it was indeed a mixture of ingredients that helped to bring me back to life and health. I think for me it truly was being able to take the time and to face the tough questions, to peel back the layers – one by one, and dig deep into the wounds of the past. I had to accept that it was a process – that there was no easy fix and that it wouldn’t be overnight. I remember when I first took time off of work, I told everybody it was just for three months. I laugh when I think of that now – that I could have solved all my problems and become whole again in three months – but that was my impatience and naivete talking. In reality, it took a little less than three years, and it took a lot of perseverance to keep walking through the darkness , day after day, but I did, and I am very grateful I did. Of course, I couldn’t have done it without the help of an incredible therapist, and some tried and true friends who helped support me along the way – but they only aided – I was the one who had to do the work.

JR: Can you say a little about what your spiritual life means to you now?

EK: Honestly, my spiritual life is stronger than ever now. I guess I am grateful that I never really wrapped my faith in the cloaks of religion – they always seemed so separate to me. I always knew that God was greater than man, and as long as the great religions of our world are ruled by man, they will forever continue to be fallible institutions. My faith saw me through my recovery and transformation, and I believe more than ever in all of mankind’s spirit to see them through the shadows of the day.

JR: What do you see in the future for your work? What would you like to celebrate as having accomplished in a year?

EK: So much! We are really just getting started and with that there are so many great opportunities to come. Really, we are forming and shaping into an organization that hopes to play a huge role in advocacy for both prevention and victim’s/survivor’s rights. Our goal is to increase instances of reporting, and to help victims through that process. What we hope to do is mobilize the community around this process, by utilizing the skills of experts in the field to lend their time to helping this issue within our society. We feel the first step to all of this is education, and so with that we are launching our first workshop series this April for Child Abuse Prevention Month. We are excited at what’s to come, and honestly, I am shocked that so much has already been able to be accomplished. Just one year ago I was sitting in a coffee shop writing about this idea of a non-profit organization that I wanted to start, and now we are well underway to creating events that will help to live out the mission. Yes, I am very excited!

JR: Thank you for your work to end abuse and help those impacted by it.

Jaime Romo is the author of “Healing the Sexually Abused Heart: A Workbook for Survivors, Thrivers, and Supporters.”

 
 

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