By John Fidler
Reading Eagle
July 2, 2010
http://readingeagle.com/article.aspx?id=231968
The rest of the world might call them victims. Dr. Alison Hill calls them survivors.
"I try to stay away from the word victim," Hill, a licensed psychologist with Berks Counseling Associates of Wyomissing, told me recently. "As they find their voice, survivor is empowering."
Empowerment is important to any survivor of sexual abuse, whether at the hand of a parent, other family member, neighbor, teacher, Scout leader or Catholic priest. The abuser has taken that power away, and Hill and other therapists work with the survivor to revive it.
But more than power is at stake.
"Survivors of sexual abuse often feel a betrayal of trust," Hill said. "They often face confusion, self-blame, a feeling that no one will believe their story, fear that it will happen again. They experience anxiety, depression, aggressive behavior, even thoughts of suicide."
Some take their own lives.
When a survivor decides to seek help from a therapist, the first order of business is stabilizing the client and building a sense of trust in the therapist.
"That is critical," said Hill. "To rebuild their ability to trust, I try to have a relaxed manner and let the survivor know that what they've experienced is not OK. In fact it's awful."
The goal of therapy is to help her clients function better in life, to feel better.
"They will never forget the abuse," she said. "I try to help them deal with it in a way that isn't retraumatizing, by helping them manage their emotions."
At the heart of the process is helping the survivor talk about their experiences.
"What happened?" Hill said she asks. "What were their feelings while the abuse was going on? How did they cope? How did they react? What are they feeling now?"
Hill said she knows that no two survivors react the same. Some might be traumatized by one episode of fondling while another might not be as traumatized by years of abuse that might include rape.
Hill said that because of differences in personality types, there is no set plan of attack.
"My tool kit includes teaching various coping skills, journaling, art therapy, music therapy," she said. "Teenagers seem comfortable writing about their experiences."
She said she tries to pry from her survivors' grasp the kinds of behaviors that got them through their ordeals, behaviors called dissociation and depersonalization.
"They need to focus on the present," she said of the behaviors, which help them separate themselves from the self that is experiencing or has experienced the abuse.
Hill described depersonalization as being in a kind of dream state, as if the abuse were not really happening or happening to someone else.
"I try to convince them that these are feelings they don't need anymore," she said.
Hill said that some of her clients have been abused by Catholic priests. I asked her if they presented special therapeutic challenges.
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"To a certain degree," she said. "The widespread coverage of the problem means it is always present. They can't get away from it.
"The other issue is the crisis of faith they must confront. This is very difficult. They wonder what they should do about their faith. They might still believe in God, but they ask 'Where was God while the abuse was happening?'"
In his landmark study of depression, "The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression," Andrew Solomon tells the story of Lolly Washington, who was sexually abused at age 6 by a family friend.
Years later she said: "I felt like there was no reason to do anything. I just didn't care. Sometimes I would sit and just cry, cry, cry. Over nothing. Just cry. I just wanted to be by myself."
Solomon describes the positive effects therapy - talking to someone - had on Lolly.
Hill emphasized several times in our conversation how important it is to tell. She had this advice for any survivor of sexual abuse.
"Don't allow the perpetrator to continue to victimize you," Hill said. "Don't give him that power. You don't have to deal with this alone."
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