Walking for Awareness, by Ron Halvorson, Central Oregonian, August 13 2010

Walking for Awareness

By Ron Halvorson
Central Oregonian
August 13 2010

http://www.centraloregonian.com/PCOCommunity0.shtml

The group photo, left to right: Barb Lundquist (KIDS Center), Sidney Jones, Virginia Jones, Colin Jones, June Selis, Savannah Davis (District Attorney's office), Rebecca Swearingen (Saving Grace)

It takes courage and determination for a woman to travel from city to city, by herself except for her two children, and to preach a message that few want to confront. It’s something an ordinary woman wouldn’t dare attempt.

Virginia Jones, 51, as it turns out, is no ordinary woman.

“I’m a child sex abuse survivor, and I was raped on a date when I was 22,” she offered, almost matter-of-factly, while walking through Prineville on Tuesday. Prineville was the latest stop on her “2010 Walk Across Oregon” itinerary — an effort to bring this unsavory topic to the public forefront.

On this day, as on previous days of the walk that started in Baker City, on Aug. 1, Jones was accompanied by a small entourage that included her two children, son Colin, 14, and daughter Sidney, 11, as well as representatives from local agencies — Saving Grace, the KIDS Center, and the District Attorney’s office.

The day started at Starbucks, where the group — all wearing bright, blue T-shirts emblazoned with the slogan “Help Stop Child Abuse” — sat, drank favorite beverages, and visited. Her hope was that people would be curious and stop by to talk, giving the walkers the opportunity to spread the word that child abuse, although alive and well, is not OK. Jones said that by being low key, and non-confrontational, people get the chance to decide if they want to approach the group or not.

Jones began her odyssey when, after struggling for years with low self-esteem and depression (common with victims of abuse, she said), and after years of therapy, she decided she needed to deal with it herself if she wanted to be healed.

Her search for healing led her to be baptized in the Catholic Church, only to find, 11 months later, that the priest who baptized her was, himself, accused of child sexual abuse.

“They (the Church) hadn’t talked about it, hadn’t told anybody,” she said. “The accusations dated back to 1981. They realized if you didn’t talk about it, nothing would happen.”

She said she found that people were resistant to facing the issue.

“The majority of people didn’t want to hear about it,” Jones said. “They just wanted life to be easy.”

As a result, she started to reach out to other Catholics who were victims of clergy abuse. After she appeared in an Oregon Public Broadcasting radio program on the subject, she was contacted by another victim of abuse — June Selis.

Selis, 65, and a part-time resident of Prineville, had her own horror story. Her daughters were sexually abused by her husband — their own father — but because they were older than 30 by the time they reported it, the statute of limitations had expired. There would be no prosecution. Although her story didn’t involve clergy abuse, it was close enough for the two women to join forces.

And so, in September 2008, Selis, assisted by Jones on the weekends, walked the entirety of Ashland to Portland, in an effort to get the statute of limitations for child sexual abuse changed (which was changed in 2009). So began the first “Walk Across Oregon.”

Selis, who walked with her friend in Prineville in this third-annual trek, condensed her feelings about child sexual abuse into one, short sentence: “Children are totally innocent victims of this horrible thing.”

“We need to make it easier for children to talk about it,” she continued. “Right now they have horrible shame, and guilt, and they’re terrified of their abuser. We have to have more awareness, and things like this (the walk) make people more aware of it.”

Selis related a story of a woman working as a flagger on a road crew. She found out what Selis was doing and right there on the highway, holding her sign, told Selis of her own horror story and broke down in tears.

“I’ve had that happen over and over again,” Selis said. “I talk to them and I tell them that I’m sorry, first of all, and that we need to make laws stricter to stop these kinds of people, because they don’t’ stop on their own.”

Citing a published study, Selis said that sexual predators don’t stop, because they’re attracted to children.

“The only way to do it is to put them behind bars or to make it so hard for them that they won’t do it,” she said.

Jones not only works to bring awareness about child sexual abuse, she also works with victims — especially those of clergy abuse — to bring healing.

“I’m interested in restorative justice,” she explained. “That’s what I do with the Catholic Church. I can’t work with the leadership. We just bring people together and you get forgiveness and reconciliation.”

She said she uses a technique called “compassionate listening.” Abuse destroys the ability to trust other people — especially when family members or the clergy have been involved — and victims need to know there are people that can be trusted.

“If you don’t listen properly, you can shut people down,” Jones said. “You learn to listen with your heart and listen to what is in the other person’s heart, and reflect that back. You acknowledge that heartfelt value. Ask questions to open the person up. When people get the compassionate listening, it helps them heal. Survivors either tend to bristle with anger, or they’re holding everything in. Neither reaction is helpful.”

Although Jones’ focus is on clergy abuse of children, she realizes the problem goes way beyond the walls of the church.

“”The issues of society are being played out in the Catholic Church,’ she said one priest told her. “’ This isn’t a Catholic Church problem, it’s a society problem.’ The Church is just a smaller community.”

Along the way to healing, Jones wants survivors to have fun. This is why, on their walks, she makes sure they stop to play in a park, eat an ice cream cone, or in other ways, simply enjoy themselves.

“Survivors are sometimes so overwhelmed with depression and low self esteem, and all the problems that we’re struggling with, we forget to have fun,” she said. “When the feet get moving, the body follows. And having fun is a form of healing.”

Rebecca Swearingen, assistant executive director of Saving Grace, walked a portion of Tuesday’s route and had nothing but praise for the effort.

“It’s great that people are coming together to bring attention to abuse of all forms,” she said,” and the awareness is huge. It generates a lot of people coming forward, and talking about what’s happened to them, and seeking help, and offering help.”