Regaining Trust When 'Holy' People Abuse the Children in Their Care
By Kay Campbell
How can a congregation survive the arrest of one of its ministers on charges of child sexual abuse? And how can it prevent something like that from happening? Only through rapid response, open communication, humble re-assessment of its child safety policies -- and faith, say local experts. The recent arrest in Muscle Shoals of two ministers has prompted religious leaders and parents across North Alabama to ask those questions.
Sure, open communication is key, says Pastor Brian Mayfield, lead pastor at The Brook Church in Madison, but that doesn’t mean that he, as a pastor and a parent, doesn’t resent the necessity of initiating that kind of conversation. “This kind of situation will rip a church apart – or pull it together,” said Mayfield, who dealt with the aftermath of sexual abuse as a pastoral intern when a member of his youth group came forward with allegations of abuse by a former pastor. “In a situation like that, parents have to figure out how to have a conversation that no one should have to have with their children.” Talking habit But having that conversation early and often with children is crucial to preventing and limiting abuse, says Chris Newlin, executive director of the National Child Advocacy Center in Huntsville. The NCAC is a nationally respected resource for preventing and responding to child abuse of all kinds. “Parents should be having those conversations on a regular basis, as uncomfortable as it might be,” Newlin said. “It is just a short conversation: ‘Certain parts of your body are private and no one should touch you there, unless it’s a doctor who’s trying to help you, and then your mom or your dad will be with you. Nobody else, no matter how much you love them, should – and if anything like that happens, you should tell me.’” “We have those kinds of conversations with our children all the time,” Newlin said. “Every time you cross the street with your kids, you ask them, ‘What do you do before you cross?’ Having frequent, short conversations is much more effective than having one 45-minute conversation.” Closing the breach In the case of a breach of trust at a church, reacting similarly to how ministers at both of the churches involved in Muscle Shoals have reacted is key both to preventing future abuse and to begin to help a congregation heal, Mayfield said. “Even the police have commented on their exemplary responses,” Mayfield said. “They have realized that a crime may have been committed and turned that part over to people trained to deal with it while they deal with the spiritual aspects.” Both congregations have cooperated with police to turn over church records or equipment that can be used in the investigations. Both have held special meetings, prayer services, and are offering individual counseling to members, according to reports from Muscle Shoals media. Leaders at both churches have declined further comment, but both, speculates Mayfield, are probably re-assessing what protections they need to have in place – as should all youth-serving organizations everywhere. “If someone if determined to abuse a child, you might not prevent it entirely, but you do everything you can to make certain it won’t happen at your church,” Mayfield said. Trust – but verify At The Brook, Mayfield said, anyone in leadership in the church, whether paid or volunteer, is subjected to a background check. And leaders are also asked to sit through a 90-minute presentation, “Reducing the Risk,” to emphasize that everything they do has to be above reproach, both to protect the children and also to protect themselves against false accusations. Leaders are never to be alone with anyone, he said. That’s why Mayfield’s office has a sound-proof window, he said. When he’s counseling someone, his secretary can see him from her desk. And a youth leader is never to, for example, give a child a ride home without someone else in the car, too. But after all the preparation and prevention, Mayfield said, ministers, both lay and ordained, have one more vital important message of hope to give to a congregation rocked when a beloved leader has committed a crime and shattered their trust. “In the midst of all this, when people don’t know who they can trust, you have to remind them: You can always trust the Lord -- that’s the only sure thing,” Mayfield said. “That might sound cliché, but it’s true, and it’s why it’s so important for a congregation to come together after something like this to find a way through together.” For resources for churches looking to protect their children, Follow this link to GRACE, Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment, an organization founded by Billy Graham grandson, the lawyer Boz Tchividjian. The Southern Baptist Convention and other denominations offer resources for congregations. Follow this link to the SBC resource page.
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