Under Their Care
By Natalie Holmes
Paddy* was just a kid when he was abused by a staff member at the Catholic college he attended. At first, it seemed like a lovely place, but the dream quickly turned into a nightmare. Now, more than half a century later, those memories still haunt him and Paddy recalls some of the horrors of that time at the hands of someone into whose care his parents had entrusted him. “I was a skinny little boy all of 13 years old. He was a fully grown man; he must have been a coward to bash up a skinny little boy in this way. There was something wrong with him.” Paddy recalls his first taste of violence at the hands of his educator. “One day, I was walking with my hands in my pockets and he came up from behind and punched me in the back of the head. After that, every chance he got he would give me the cane.” Singled out time after time, Paddy suffered countless bouts of humiliation, raps over the knuckles, hundreds of canings, beatings with a rubber hose, and even sexual assault. “I received a lot of caning over the time I was at college. “I remember getting 18 cuts in the one day, for what, I can’t remember. It was so much that I remember my hands were too sore from the caning and I couldn’t complete my homework. “(Another day) I had 12 floggings with the cane in five minutes. It hurt something terrible, so I took my mind off (by thinking about) rabbiting with my dog up the paddock. When I had received six more cuts of the cane, I was told to get back to class. “I shed no tears and showed no emotion.” Dragged out of bed to face the brutality of the teacher’s ways, Paddy decided he’d had enough of the intolerable cruelty and ran away from school on more than one occasion. Back in his home town, Paddy still struggled. He turned to fighting, drinking, and generally getting into mischief. And he was still only 14. Since then, he has lived with depression, anxiety and has sometimes struggled with personal relationships, including with his father. For the duration of his adult life, he has relived and suffered from the pain he endured as a teen at the hands of a man who was supposed to be his carer and mentor. Two weeks ago, Paddy became one of the many people to give evidence to the Royal Commission investigation into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse. Telling his story has been cathartic for the 65-year-old. “They were very sensitive into what you’ve been going through,” he says. “They actually listened; it was a relief to have someone listen to you and believe you for the first time. For all the years I’ve been going through this, it’s a good feeling.” Remembering and reliving those horrible days is something Paddy has been forced to endure over and over again. “I have always had so much hatred for this bloke. The experience has always been there, it’s in your mind. He threatened to run over me, cut me up on the Hargan Saw and throw me in the brick pit, smother me in my bed. I would be so scared. I seriously thought he was going to bash me to death. “He was a very cruel and vicious man. He was insane. No sane person would do that.” Many times, Paddy and the other children who were victimised should have gone to hospital. But nothing ever happened. “He would always strike when no-one else was around and the other (staff) turned a blind eye,” he recalls. Paddy believes he suffered brain damage and said there have also been times since then when he would “wake up screaming his lungs out” but not making a sound. “I suffered anxiety; you feel like you’re not worth anything anymore. You’ve done your best to get rid of this huge thing. I was getting very depressed but I took it as it came.” Although it’s been emotionally draining to retell his story, Paddy believes the current investigation is a positive step. “The Royal Commission didn’t just say get over it and move on; they were very understanding. “I can’t say that about the Catholic Church and the healing process. They have protected their own all the way down. They are so powerful – that’s why no-one has taken them on before. I’ve been asked why I didn’t tell somebody, and my response is “who are you going to tell?” I just wanted to get away from it.” Paddy greatly admires former police investigator Peter Fox whose work as a Detective Inspector within the force led to his public allegations of child sexual abuse in the Catholic Church and subsequently the end of his policing career. “Peter Fox is my hero,” he says. “I look up to and admire him.” According to Paddy, his suffering was nowhere near that experienced by the other children. He also feels it has been a David and Goliath battle for too long. “No-one looked into it because they (the Church) were trusted. (And) I wasn’t aware there was so much of it, but I only suffered one tenth of what other kids did. Some went through hell. Before, they had nobody to protect and believe in them. “The Catholic Church can do whatever it likes and get away with it. There’s violence in every religion, in the Catholic Church and other organisations, and the children are under their care. “Now that the Royal Commission has stepped in, they can’t.” While he has struggled, Paddy is happy with how the official investigation is going. Finally, he feels he can move on with his life. “I’ve always tried to put it behind me. I went back to church but I lost faith. The Royal Commission does give you a lot of satisfaction that something is being done; you can’t go any higher than that. A lot of people have been sexually abused. “(For me) I know he’s too old to be brought to justice. But now that I’ve been to the Royal Commission, it’s done and dusted.” The Violence Paddy describes an incidence of abuse: A big voice cried out: “Get down here son. Have you ever had a flogging before?” He asked me that about five times. Then he said, “You are going to get one now.” I had not done anything wrong, but that didn’t matter to him. As I walked through the first door, he punched me violently in the back of my head. Then he pushed me through the next door. Then he began to punch me around the head. I quickly covered up as best as I could, but I was up against the wall and his big hands would come crashing through my guard. He hit me on the forehead, sending my head back violently; sometimes it would hit the wall behind me. When I covered up my head, he would punch me in the stomach. It seemed to go on for a long time. He would even grab hold of me and bash my head against the door knob behind me. He would also bash my head against the wall. He punched me in the testicles and the other punch was in the groin. He also tried to grab me by the testicles but he missed and grabbed the top of my penis instead. I tried to pull away but I couldn’t so I told him he was a dirty bastard. He let go and started bashing me violently. My legs were getting weak and I struggled to stand...I thought he was going to bash me to death. *Paddy’s name has been changed to protect his identity. He has also chosen not to name his attacker or the school he attended.
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