Abuse Victims Share Message of Hope, Healing
By Donna Isbell Walker
Hope, survival and justice were the themes of Thursday's Julie Valentine Luncheon. Two victims of sexual abuse shared their stories at the annual fundraiser for Julie Valentine Center's sexual assault- and child abuse-prevention programs, and their prevailing message was that victims should never shoulder the blame for their abusers' actions. Jim Clemente, a retired FBI profiler, recounted his ordeal of teen sex abuse at a church camp, and his mission to educate parents and children that predators most often are outwardly "nice" people who prey on vulnerable kids. Jen Bicha told her story of years of rapes by her older brother and the search for healing that ended with her brother's conviction and prison sentence. Clemente, who spent 22 years with the FBI, encouraged parents to talk to their children about safety and to remember that abuse is never the fault of the child. "The reasons why laws are written to protect children is because they're developmentally immature," Clemente said. "They don't make the right decisions, so the law protects them against it. It's not their fault when an adult tries to take advantage of them or does take advantage of them." Clemente, who's now a writer and technical advisor for the "Criminal Minds" TV series, was a gawky 15-year-old when the counselor at his summer camp began showing him special attention. The counselor bought beer for the underage boy, shared pornographic pictures with him and began sexually abusing him. The abuse filled him with shame, but Clemente told no one what he had been through. A decade later, Clemente was serving as a prosecutor in New York City when his brother called and said bags full of pornographic photos of young boys had been discovered in the office of that camp counselor. His brother urged Clemente to prosecute the man. Clemente spoke to an FBI task force, trembling as he told his story. The FBI investigated, with Clemente working undercover. The man was prosecuted and sent to prison, Clemente told the audience. When the case was finished, the FBI offered him a job as a special agent. "And I actually said to him, 'You'd take me even though I was a victim?' Because that was the mindset I had at the time," Clemente recalled. But, he added, because he had been a victim of abuse, he proved to be a good fit, especially when it came to investigations related to child sexual abuse. "I had a tremendous amount of empathy and experience in order to help them get through their experience," he said. Following Clemente's speech, Bicha talked of rapes that began when she was 9 and led to years of nightmares and flashbacks so severe that she had trouble eating and sleeping long after the abuse ended. The rapes continued for many years, Bicha said, and when her parents found out, they blamed her. At age 15, she told a teacher and a pastor, who chose not to report the abuse. "I still bear the pain of their actions. I was not believed. Nobody protected me, nobody listened when I cried for help. They chose to believe my rapist instead of me," Bicha said. In college, she sought help, but "once again, I was blamed and judged." Five years ago, she happened upon the Greenville Rape Crisis Center, the predecessor to the Julie Valentine Center, and in time, she was able to talk about the abuse and begin the healing process. "All it took was for one person to listen and to believe, and my life was changed," she said. Bicha finally reported the rapes to the police, which led to a 31/2-year court battle in which her family sided with her brother, who was ultimately sentenced to prison. Bicha told the audience of about 900 that she has found strength and healing through the process. "I am thriving," Bicha said. "And I want to say this to any survivor in the audience, that there is hope for healing. Life after trauma is messy, and working through the pain is difficult, but it is absolutely worth the fight." Contact: diwalker@greenvillenews.com
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