"I Told Mom My Stepdad Was Sexually Abusing Me and She Said I Had to Practise Forgiveness': Woman Who Grew up with 41 Siblings Tells of Horrific Childhood in Cult

Daily Mail
January 20, 2016

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3407512/Woman-grew-41-siblings-polygamous-cult-tells-childhood-sexual-abuse-beatings-finally-escaped-age-15.html

Ruth Wariner was the thirty-ninth of her father's forty-two children, growing up on a farm in rural Mexico, where authorities turn a blind eye to the practices of her community. She lived in ramshackle house without indoor plumbing or electricity.

After Ruth's father - the man who had been the founding prophet of the colony - was murdered by his brother in a bid for church power, her mother remarried, becoming the second wife of another faithful congregant.

At their church, preachers teach that God will punish the wicked by destroying the world and that women can only ascend to heaven by entering into polygamous marriages and giving birth to as many children as possible.

That is what life was like on Colonia LeBaron, the polygamous compound in Chihuahua, Mexico, where Ruth lived until she ran away at the age of 15, taking her three younger siblings with her.

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Ruth Wariner, pictured left as a girl with her three younger siblings, who she eventually fled with

Ruth (the smallest child in the middle) with her mom Kathy and some of her older siblings

Her harrowing story is told in intricate detail in her memoir The Sound of Gravel including the heartbreaking moment Ruth realized she had to leave her mom behind.

Her mother was married to the founding prophet of the colony, an honor that made her feel 'anointed'.

'They brought her in and made her feel special,' she told People. 'She had a place in the world. That was her comfort zone - the only life she had ever known.'

The women in the church were taught to turn a blind eye to any wrongdoing by their husbands - believing marriage was their only ticket into 'the kingdom of heaven'.

Therefore, when Ruth started being physically and sexually abused by her stepfather, it was ignored.

'They also rationalized the abuse,' she said. 'It was like 'Hey, it's not big deal. It's not like he's raping these girls.' In their minds it just wasn't that bad.'

When Ruth (pictured above in an undated photo) was eight, the abuse by her stepfather started

Ruth's mom Kathy (pictured with some of her offspring) was taught that women could only go to heaven if they were married and had as many children as possible

'I never liked [my stepfather], and hated him after I turned eight. That's when he'd sneak into my bedroom during the nights he stayed with my mom and touch me,' she told the New York Post.

'I was promised me ice cream if I kept quiet, but I told my mom - multiple times - what he was doing.

'Each time she told me that we needed to practice forgiveness. It crushed my soul that my mother wouldn't leave him. But in our religion, women needed to be married to get into heaven, so she stayed.'

It wasn't until Ruth's mother decided to move the family away from their stepfather, to her own mother's house in California, that her life changed. The experience became a glimpse into what life could be like outside of the compound.

'I finally had a chance to be a kid, having fun on the playground, eating Lucky Charms cereal, watching cartoons, listening to Simon & Garfunkel and Elton John,' she said. 'All things we hadn't been exposed to.'

But the feelings of security vanished when she had to return to the compound in Mexico.

Ruth (pictured in a recent Facebook photo) is now 43 and has published a memoir about the horrors of living in a polygamist colony

In her book The Sound of Gravel Ruth details the harrowing childhood that led up to her leaving the compound when she was 15 with her three younger siblings

I knew my life wouldn't be happy if all it amounted to was having several children by a shared household,' she writes in her book.

'I wanted love, but mom couldn't teach me how to get that because she didn't know herself.

'She couldn't show me how to be happy, only how to survive.'

Ruth and her three younger sisters - who were aged 12, ten and eight at the time - lived with her grandmother for four years after running away from the compound.

By the time Ruth was 19, she managed to get a home of her own for her and her sisters for the very first time.

She threw herself into education and began taking community classes - skipping sleep so that she could finish her homework.

She earned a GED and graduated college before going on to obtain a master's degree.

Ruth is now married and works as a Spanish teacher in Portland. She credits her three sisters as being the inspiration to tell her story after they began asking questions about their mom.

Ruth, left, with one of her brothers at the compound in Chihuahua, Mexico, where they were brought up

Ruth now lives in Portland, Oregon (pictured) where she lives with her husband Alan, a sales consultant

'I wanted them to know our history,' she said of her sisters. 'Where we came from, what happened to our mom.'

Ruth says the process of writing the book was healing for her. 'It was cathartic, there was a release of a lot of pain,' she said.

'Writing about my mother, as an adult, helped me to understand her situation better and have more compassion for her. I was able to see her in a different light.'

Her stepfather died three years ago. 'Somehow, I've learned to forgive him. Sometimes I look back on my life and think, 'Really? Did this happen?' But I've tried to let go of the anger inside of me,' she tells The Post.

'I'll never forget when, a few months before my mother died, she told me she loved me — words I don't think I had ever heard from her before.

'Ruthie, I need to tell you … that I'm so sorry,' she said. 'I'm sorry for everything that you've gone through. I do feel like things have gotten better. Don't you think so?' she asked, crying hard.

Remarkably, Ruth says, she has found a way to forgive her mother. 'I think I had to create my own definition of forgiveness,' she explains.

'Growing up, it just meant that you put up with it. But this [forgiveness] was for myself, in order to not have to continue being angry with her. But it's a practice and a process.'