Focusing A Light On Abuse

By Dr. Michael J. Salamon
Jewish Press
March 13, 2016

http://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/opinions/focusing-a-light-on-abuse/2016/03/11/0/

March 3 marked a turning point. On that day, Newsweek magazine published an article titled Child Abuse Allegations Plague the Hasidic community. (True, there have been other articles in major media outlets about abuse in Orthodox communities but this is the first time the problem was broadly tackled in a major, full-length, comprehensive, well-researched piece in a publication not geared exclusively toward a Jewish readership.)

We can argue about whether the article is a damning indictment of blind obedience or whether or not the root problem is a determination to protect the reputations of institutions and their leaders while ignoring the needs of individuals.

We can debate whether or not those who spoke to Newsweek transgressed the alleged sin of mesirah, a sin that likely does not apply in our day, or worse, that they are all liars with their own sinister agendas.

And we can even worry that the article may cause irreparable harm to our community by casting us in a bad light and thereby providing fodder for anti-Semitism.

I would disagree with most of those presumptions.

I believe the Newsweek article actually improves our standing because it forces us to be more open and honest about the scourge of abuse. It shines a very bright light on a problem that some still want to sweep under the rug. And it destroys the delusions of those who continue to believe that Orthodox Jews do not abuse. Most important, it gives us an opportunity to show we can make a commitment to clean things up.

Notwithstanding an apologetic statement from Agudath Israel’s director of public Affairs – “Unfortunately, the Orthodox community was…unaware of the degree and severity of the problem in its own midst” – there are many who still deny the pervasive reality of abuse.

Not unlike the hysterical reaction in 2002 from supporters of the Roman Catholic Church when the Boston Globe broke the story of abusive priests, it took just seconds after the Newsweek article was posted online for the insults and name calling to commence.

Among the milder epithets hurled by readers – many of them apparently Internet trolls who, alerted to the story by e-mail or social media, immediately flocked to Newsweek’s website to deny and denounce – were a host of synonyms for liar and fraudster directed at the magazine and the writer of the story.

Amazingly, many questioned the methodology – all of which was carefully and deliberately presented – that was used or the sources that were consulted. That is precisely how online trolls operate, though. If they do not like what they read, rather than check facts they attack the messenger. Indeed, facts are irrelevant to them if those facts do not align with their personal narratives. Their beliefs are, for them, the ultimate truth. They prefer to slander the authors’ intelligence, motivation, and integrity rather than engage in a respectful discussion.

I have written extensively about the problem of abuse in our community, in a book and in numerous articles, and like others I have been the victim of such trolls. I have researched and documented the data and have been involved with specialists worldwide who have researched the problem and have treated the many victims within our community and beyond.

Most professionals generally do not read the comments, good or bad, that follow our works. We simply do not have the time or the desire to weed through the morass or become part of the mudslinging. On the other hand, all of us have spoken with people who respectfully call or e-mail us, especially if they have questions or even if they disagree.

And then there is the series of e-mails I’ve kept from an individual of high status in the Jewish community, spanning several years dating back to 2007, that reflect how deep the denial continues to run regarding this topic.

In those e-mails I was accused of misstating facts and of being dishonest, even reckless – although he offered no evidence to support his position. Perhaps most instructive was his attack on my credentials – of which he has none.

But he did not do this to me alone. He attacked many others with whom he disagreed. I am not the only one who has held on to his rants. His diatribes have taught me to be selective with whom I correspond. In a case of ironic justice, though, when a member of his extended family had a problem with abuse, that individual contacted me.

To my mind the approach of attacking the messenger, denying the problem, but secretively turning to the messenger when needed, is at the root of this obstructionism. If we are to finally and appropriately deal with this issue we must do so in a forthright fashion. Hiding from the facts and portraying abusers in a positive or even protective manner, while clandestinely seeking help when abuse hits home, only provides predators with more cover to keep abusing. It allows them to travel to other neighborhoods, even other countries, and continue their destruction.

There is only one clear way to deal with abuse: Admit it exists, teach children and their parents the proper ways to protect themselves, and pursue abusers immediately and professionally without rationalizing their motives.

And then there is the series of e-mails I’ve kept from an individual of high status in the Jewish community, spanning several years dating back to 2007, that reflect how deep the denial continues to run regarding this topic.

In those e-mails I was accused of misstating facts and of being dishonest, even reckless – although he offered no evidence to support his position. Perhaps most instructive was his attack on my credentials – of which he has none.

But he did not do this to me alone. He attacked many others with whom he disagreed. I am not the only one who has held on to his rants. His diatribes have taught me to be selective with whom I correspond. In a case of ironic justice, though, when a member of his extended family had a problem with abuse, that individual contacted me.

To my mind the approach of attacking the messenger, denying the problem, but secretively turning to the messenger when needed, is at the root of this obstructionism. If we are to finally and appropriately deal with this issue we must do so in a forthright fashion. Hiding from the facts and portraying abusers in a positive or even protective manner, while clandestinely seeking help when abuse hits home, only provides predators with more cover to keep abusing. It allows them to travel to other neighborhoods, even other countries, and continue their destruction.

There is only one clear way to deal with abuse: Admit it exists, teach children and their parents the proper ways to protect themselves, and pursue abusers immediately and professionally without rationalizing their motives.