Rev. Schondelmeyer Keeps Pushing for Change

Toledo Blade
August 6, 2016

http://www.toledoblade.com/Religion/2016/08/06/Pushing-for-change-Rev-Kristopher-Schondelmeyer-has-used-his-own-story-as-the-example-for-instituting-change.html

When the Rev. Kristopher Schondelmeyer, 33, was early in his high school years, he already felt the call to Presbyterian ministry and been in conversation with the head pastor of his church in Sedalia, Mo., about it.

“My family has been Presbyterian for generations,” said Pastor Schondelmeyer, who has been associate pastor at Christ Presbyterian Church since 2010. “This is in my blood; if you cut me, I’ll bleed Presbyterian blue. This is who I am.”

It was very surprising, therefore, that in 2014 the pastor would sue the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) at the national, regional, and local levels in response to his having been sexually assaulted by a certified lay pastor when he was 17.

But on June 22 at the church’s national general assembly in Portland, Ore., the stated clerk, who is the top clergy official, interrupted business to formally apologize to Pastor Schondelmeyer on behalf of the church, after the lawsuit was settled in 2014 and 2015.

“It seemed the right thing to do, to publicly acknowledge this,” said the Rev. Gradye Parsons, who has since retired from the role as stated clerk. “It was really a lack of public acknowledgment that made this all the harder for Kris to get justice.”

The justice Pastor Schondelmeyer sought was for the church to provide “safe and sacred space” in the church for children and other vulnerable people.

“It’s Kris’ story,” Pastor Parsons said, “but I think it has an impact far beyond what even Kris and I could have imagined a year ago. I want to credit all those people who left [general assembly] to go home and make sure that their churches and camps and stuff were safe for children.”

Pastor Schondelmeyer has used his own story as the example for instituting change.

In 2000, Kris and three other young people from his area traveled to College Park, Md., for a national Presbyterian youth conference.

The Missouri Union Presbytery, the region’s organizational body, had assigned a chaperone to go with them. He was a certified lay pastor, Jack Wayne Rogers.

One night, Kris went to Rogers’ room to talk about the call to ministry. One of Kris’ concerns was his relationship with the divine as a father, at a time when he and his own father were not close. A friend had used “Dear Dad” as the form of address for a prayer, and Kris had questions.

Pastor Schondelmeyer recalled that Rogers said, “You know, Kris, sometimes God puts people in our lives to show us the love we’re missing.” Then, Pastor Schondelmeyer said, Rogers put his hand on the teen’s leg, groped him, and assaulted him sexually, physically, even spiritually.

Kris then buried that experience.

It didn’t surface in his memory until after he was serving in Toledo.

Pastor Schondelmeyer said that in November, 2012, “I woke up in the middle of the night having a vivid nightmare of Jack Rogers.” He relived the sexual assault.

The nightmare happened on the fifth anniversary of Pastor Schondelmeyer’s father’s death. It was also about a month before Pastor Schondelmeyer was to be married.

The Rev. Tom Schwartz, Christ Presbyterian’s pastor, said, “Kris had talked to me about this [after the nightmares began]. Then it was a matter of how he was going to respond to what he was feeling.”

Pastor Schondelmeyer responded in part with personal work, including, with his wife’s full support, having his first session with a psychologist instead of their going on a honeymoon.

“It’s one of the things that I still regret to this day that I had to do,” Pastor Schondelmeyer said. “At the same time, it’s one of the best decisions that my wife and I have made because it’s been one of the most helping things, and being able to work through this has made my ability to respond in ministry so much better.”

He said that his wife, Abby, “one, believes me, and, two, believes in me,” he said.

Another part of Pastor Schondelmeyer’s response to the sexual assault was to find out about Rogers.

Rogers, 71, is in the Seagoville Federal Correctional Institution in Texas with a 2029 release date; he was convicted in 2003 of child pornography and other charges. Legal documents state that he bragged about abducting, raping, torturing, and killing a 20-year-old man from Skidmore, Mo., who disappeared in 2001; that case is unsolved.

Pastor Schondelmeyer learned that Rogers had also been convicted of child pornography in 1992, before he became a lay pastor, and that the church knew he was a pedophile when he was assigned to chaperone youth.

The Missouri Union Presbytery seemed to block Pastor Schondelmeyer’s efforts at awareness and change, protecting itself. “At times, it was an anger of feeling like it was cover-up,” Pastor Schwartz said.

A third part of Pastor Schondelmeyer’s response was to take the steps for criminal charges to be filed against Rogers in Maryland. The Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) did not cooperate in the subpoena process, however.

Finally, he filed a civil suit against the church.

“I never, ever doubted Kris’ story from the get go,” Pastor Parsons said. “It was more or less trying to find a way that we could talk as brothers in Christ and not be constrained by legal matters.

“Once we got to that point, then the real struggle was for Kris to feel like the church had heard his story, had believed his story, and had acknowledged his story.”

Though there were difficulties with a pastor making legal demands on his denomination, “safe and sacred space” practices started to be approved and put into place. With that, Pastor Schondelmeyer reduced his financial request.

“There has to be some semblance of restitution,” Pastor Schondelmeyer said. “The way that we do that is to provide for the counseling [of those who have experienced clergy sexual abuse] so that this isn’t a financial burden for survivors and their families.”

Today, the challenge is to see through the changes still to be implemented. Both Pastor Schondelmeyer and Pastor Parsons are attending to that.

Contact TK Barger at tkbarger@theblade.com, 419-724-6278