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Why Doesn’t Violence Against Women Make Us Angry?
By Jonathan Aigner
I’m reminded today of how the church often responds to male violence against women. And I’m angry. I’m so pissed off right now. I’m angry because we’re still having these kinds of conversations. I’m angry because my wife had to grow up in a culture where catcalls and roaming hands were inevitable. I’m angry because churches continue to blame victims, protect abusers, and silence the story. I’m angry because my beautiful little son will grow up in a world in which he will see and hear women abused, dehumanized, and degraded by his male peers. I’m angry because men still try to absolve their deplorable behaviors by placing responsibility in the hands of their targets and victims. “If she wouldn’t have…” is never the beginning of an acceptable explanation. I’m angry because church youth groups and faith-based institutions continue to place more dress and behavior restrictions on young women than young men, as if an isolated body part could ever really cause a “brother to stumble.” I’m angry because many Christians still believe the first call after an assault should be a pastor, not the police. I’m angry because lowlife evangelical pastors like Jack Graham, Douglas Wilson, and C.J. Mahaney haven’t been held fully accountable for their protection of sexual predators. I’m angry because my alma mater, a self-proclaimed top-tier Christian institution, chose football over justice, silenced abused students, and protected their abusers. We still haven’t heard the whole story, but I’m sure it’s more grimly pervasive than previously thought. I’m angry because Christian men (and women, but mostly men) continue to assume it’s good and right for them to evaluate the appropriateness of a woman’s clothing. Spaghetti straps are not the problem. Yoga pants are not the problem. Two-pieces are not the problem. Cleavage is not the problem. The mere presence of a woman’s body is never the problem. I’m angry because I know Christians who claim they are staunch supporters of women’s equality don’t care that Donald Trump sees women (including his very own daughters) as “fat slobs,” “dogs,” or “pieces of ass” that he’s free to rate on a numerical scale, “try to fuck,” or “grab by the pussy.” I’m astounded that they use words like “imperfect” to lower people’s expectations and calm the political storm, instead of choosing more appropriate terms, like “abuser,” “misogynist,” and “predator.” And I’m angry because some of you will be more upset that I quoted a GOP candidate’s offensive language than the fact women are still being abused all around us, and often re-victimized by the church. Some of you will tell me to calm down. “Watch your language, Jonathan!” is essentially what one comment said on yesterday’s post. “You brother, need to tone down your worldly language.” The kicker was another guy on Facebook who told me, “Stick to worship, Jonathan.” People, open your eyes, this is a worship issue! The reason the church isn’t leading the way in ending rape culture is due in part to our careless and cavalier worship. When we perpetuate the unbiblical myth that men alone are the pillars of church, home, and society, we perpetuate a culture where the full benefit of God’s justice and mercy are withheld. In other words, worship that doesn’t lead to justice is bullshit! (And if you must tell me to watch my language, go ahead, because that one was all mine.) It’s just a meaningless, self-aggrandizing, narcissistic exercise. And it makes me angry that the church is still not angry enough! Oh, church, won’t you please get angry with me? Open up your eyes and see that preaching a culture where women are less than men – call it patriarchal, call it complementarian, call it patricentric, or whatever – only results in women being seen as inferior, objects, and tools for male agendas. Open your eyes and trace the link between male headship and female abuse. Open your eyes and let it sink in that male-only leadership in worship and church life sends a clear message to girls and women that they are less than, not enough, almost. Open your eyes and see that your prudish avoidance of the mere mention of sexuality serves only to further stigmatize healthy sexuality in adult relationships. Open your eyes and see that modesty has very little to do with clothing and a whole lot to do with demeanor. (Some male megachurch pastors are way more immodest than any girl in your youth group!) Open your eyes and start teaching your sons that women are equals worthy of their respect, not fragile flowers in need of their protection. Open your eyes and see that you must instill in your daughters confidence and courage in their whole person, instead of layering on burlap sacks of shame and guilt, and forcing them to bear the responsibility for a man’s sexual impulses. Open your eyes to the epidemic of sexual violence, harassment, and misogyny that the church continues to abide. Open your eyes and see that nothing a woman says, does, or wears gives away her full personhood or dignity. Open your eyes and be able to see the difference between a one-time mistake and an authentic apology, and a pattern of abuse and a self-preserving pseudo apology. Open your eyes and see how heinous sin has long been disguised as innocent fun, and cemented in such romanticized youthful remembrances of erstwhile Americana. Open your eyes and see that the church has fallen behind mainstream society in this area, when we should be at the forefront. Open your eyes and see that the only proper response toward women who have suffered abuse and violence is one of compassion and tenderness. Don’t tell them to forgive. Don’t ask them what they could have done differently. Don’t try to get a feel for what they were wearing or how they were acting in order to gauge their level of complicity. Male violence against women is not just an inevitable reality. It’s not just boys being boys. It’s not just innocent, locker room banter. It’s sin, to put it bluntly. And it’s a sin of complicity for us to sit around and let it happen around us again and again and again and again. Enough! Open your eyes, and look at the truth of the gospel until you’re ready to deny this ugly manifestation of the curse that lives and breathes among us, and live like the new creation you claim to be. This is a big deal! This is a matter of worship! For the sake of the church, and for the sake of its ministry to the whole world, we must make this right. We must lead the way. Male violence against women can not be okay with us. It can’t be something we tolerate in our pastors, our leaders, our communities, and our presidential candidates. Hear the prophet’s age-old voice: “But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare.” It’s up to us to lead the way, yet we’re running behind. Almighty God, break us free from our apathy. Light a fire under us for the oppressed and maligned. Give us the discernment and strength and courage to call out the seeds of violence and injustice in our own hearts, knowing that when we deny the presence of your image in our sisters, we also deny its presence within us. Make us angry at this injustice. Make us so pissed off that we can’t tolerate a culture of violence among us any longer. Make us speak the truth of gender justice in our liturgies, in our Bible studies, in our private prayer, and out into the streets of our communities until throughout our church and our world the fullness of the Apostle’s words are known: “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Bring us out of the shadows and into the glorious light of our Savior, Jesus the Christ, who taught us to pray:
Our Father, who art in heaven,
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