Sexual Abuse a Vital Concern

By Bob Campbell
OA Online
May 6, 2017

http://www.oaoa.com/article_44cf70a2-31fa-11e7-bee1-a3242fc91430.html

Large numbers of church-goers live with the sexual abuse they suffered as children, Odessa ministers say, but never go to their pastors or seek the help they need.

As a result, their lives are often distorted by marital problems, drug and alcohol abuse and obsessive work that keeps those sensitive issues in the dark.

The Revs. Russell Nebhut, Mark Woodruff and Becky Hand and support group leader Kim Baker say a reassuring atmosphere is necessary for the victim to confide in a pastor or counselor.

“Once they realize there is a safe environment where they can be honest about their past, they’re usually ready to talk about the hurts,” Nebhut said. “That opens them up to deal with a lot of different issues. For some it’s anger, for others a sense of helplessness whenever they think about the abuse from when they were 8, 10 or 12 years old. For all of them, there is a lack of self-worth.

“It took me 35 years to finally admit it and share it with someone,” said Nebhut, explaining that he was sexually exploited as a child. “Abused people tend to be driven Type A over-achievers who get some sense of value because of what they’re accomplishing. But inside, they’re dying.”

The Asbury United Methodist Church pastor said the trauma “robs them of their independence and identity.

“Deep down inside, all of us want to be wanted,” Nebhut said. “They should understand that they are of value and worth and what happened to them in the past is not their fault. It was the result of the brokenness of this world of sin, and it wasn’t what God wanted. God Himself hurt for them when they were suffering. He is not thinking less of them because of that. Jesus is partial to those who are hurting.”

Nebhut said surveys indicate three of 10 boys and six of 10 girls are exploited. “Only three percent of childhood sexual abuse survivors become abusers themselves,” he said. “Most become protectors of kids.”

Kim Baker leads the VSC (for Victim, Survivor, Conqueror) Support Group that meets at 7 p.m. Tuesdays at Asbury UMC at 4001 E. University Blvd. He can be reached at 432-385-8716.

“Over the course of 12 months, we have had from five or six people to upwards of 20,” Baker said. “It’s one of those things that is very hard for people to do, and once they get started, a lot will drop out. It’s mostly women who were abused by their fathers or step-fathers. With a couple, it was a brother or step-brother.”

Father Woodruff, pastor of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Catholic Church, said it is a rare topic of conversation between pastors and parishioners. “Sometimes, talking to adults, they will mention experiences in their youth that still disturb them,” he said.

“I ask if they have had counseling and encourage them to consider it if they have not. It requires a professional counselor, rather than a minister, if the minister has not had special training.”

Woodruff said that if a youth minister, for example, “hears a student open up about experiences they are having at home, they should contact the police.

“It can have long-lasting effects,” he said. “Often it’s at the root of drug addiction, alcoholism or problems in marriage. Until they deal with it, they can’t deal with the other problems.”

Hand, pastor of Life in Grace Lutheran Church, said her experience with the phenomenon has been minimal, but she was certain that it “requires gentleness and a loving environment for someone to feel safe and discuss those things.

“It’s the kind of situation, generally speaking, where I would recommend professional Christian counseling,” Hand said. “Counseling is helpful for us to deal with the thing we don’t want to face and move forward.”

Asked if it is commonplace for ministers to see church members each week who never confide their most painful concerns, she said, “I think it’s a lot more common than we know.

“Someone has to be willing to come and speak to you about it, and most pastors are not specifically trained for that kind of thing.”

Contact: bcampbell@oaoa.com