Dianne Williamson: Attitudes that keep victims silent

By Dianne Williamson
Telegram & Gazette
June 20, 2017

http://www.telegram.com/news/20170620/dianne-williamson-attitudes-that-keep-victims-silent

Susan Manter was watching coverage of the Bill Cosby trial last week when the man once hailed as “America’s Dad” left the courthouse in Norristown, Pa.

“We love you, Bill!” someone shouted from the crowd.

The Holden woman cringed. Late last month, she settled a civil case against a different kind of father, a Shrewsbury priest convicted in 2012 of beating her and ripping off her clothes during horrific counseling sessions that dragged on for three years.

The cases involving Cosby and the Rev. Charles Michael Abdelahad are different, of course. Outside the courtroom, Cosby has been accused by more than 40 women in claims dating back more than a half century, virtually his entire career. Father Michael was accused of abusing only Manter.

But both of these men were charismatic, powerful authority figures. Both were immensely popular. Both used their position to violate vulnerable women because they knew no one would believe the victims. And their respected status made it easier to discredit women already faced with the cultural incredulity that comes with cases of sexual assault.

“I watched that and had flashbacks,” Manter said Monday. “I could hear people saying, ‘I love you, Father Michael.’ There were crowds of people supporting him. I can relate to how people try to make the woman the bad guy.”

On Saturday, the judge in Cosby’s sexual assault case declared a mistrial after the jury was unable to reach a verdict. Only one of Cosby’s alleged victims managed to lodge criminal charges against him - Andrea Constand, whose story was strikingly similar to the scores of women who say Cosby drugged them with pills and assaulted them while they couldn’t move. The jury also learned of a 2005 deposition in which Cosby admitted giving women alcohol and quaaludes when he wanted to have sex with them. Constand, who is gay, was 30 years old to Cosby’s 65 when the alleged assault took place.

Yet, defense lawyers argued that the sex was consensual. They said she was Cosby’s lover for a year. They indicated she was only in it for the money, that’s she’s a liar. Cosby, on the other hand, was a respected actor and comedian who lived to make everybody laugh. Who you gonna believe?

Manter is well aware of the obstacles faced by women brave enough to come forward. Even after police charged the then-pastor of St. George Antiochian Orthodox Cathedral, even after she summoned the strength to testify against the priest she considered her “spiritual father,” friends and fellow parishioners scoffed at her claims. Even after he was convicted in 2012 of two counts of assault and battery and sentenced to jail, people turned their backs on her and sided with the popular priest. How could this horrible liar send beloved Father Mike to jail? Meanwhile, church leaders have made not a single move to defrock the convicted felon.

“I have been labeled a nut, a horrible mom and an evil person who took advantage of poor Father Michael,” Manter wrote to the state Parole Board in 2012. Monday, she recalled that workers at the church could hear screams coming from the priest’s office during the counseling sessions, but still they did nothing. Her civil suit was settled last month for an undisclosed sum.

“People dragged me through the mud,” she said. “People bashed me. Everyone was calling me a liar. They said, ‘Father Mike would never do that.’ That’s why more women don’t come forward.”

Even when they do, their actions are questioned and second-guessed. I recently wrote about a woman who says she was sexually assaulted by an Auburn massage therapist, and readers demanded to know: Why didn’t she fight back? Scream? How come she paid him? Everyone seems to know exactly what they would do during a traumatic event; survivors of sexual violence simply don’t know how to behave. Is it any wonder that the vast majority of sexual assault victims decline to turn to police?

Prosecutors plan to re-try the Cosby case, which is a good thing. But their failure to convict once again underscores the skepticism with which people treat accounts of sexual assault. Susan Manter was one of the lucky ones - despite widespread skepticism from the priest’s loyal flock, she was eventually believed by a judge and her assailant was jailed.

“I empathize with (Constand),” Manter said. “To go through everything she has, she was extremely brave, but my heart breaks for her. For a victim of sexual assault, not being believed is one of the hardest parts.”