Make It Safe for Abuse, Assault Survivors to Speak out

By Helen Renfrew
Daily News Miner
January 19, 2019

http://www.newsminer.com/opinion/community_perspectives/make-it-safe-for-abuse-assault-survivors-to-speak-out/article_fdca7fd0-1bae-11e9-b217-2748d8a43ff5.html

When it comes to fighting Alaska’s epidemic of child abuse and sexual assault, silence isn’t the answer. Webs of secrets trap survivors and protect perpetrators. Let me be clear: Survivors get to decide when, how and to whom they tell their stories. They went through an experience where they were unable to control what happened to their bodies, but they should be in complete control over how their story is told. As a society we are responsible for creating an environment where it is safe for survivors’ stories to be told, one that doesn’t blame them for what someone else did to them.

We need to believe them.

National and local media reported on numerous perpetrators over the last year: Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, Larry Nassar, Catholic Jesuit priests throughout Alaska and Peter Wilson, who has been accused in Kotzebue to name a few. All of these cases have silence, sometimes decades of silence, in common. Victims feel embarrassed, ashamed and guilty; if they don’t talk about it, they can try to pretend it didn’t happen. Quite often the surrounding community knows what’s going on, but it’s an uncomfortable topic, and no one wants to be the first to mention it. Silence allows offenders to continue assaulting and abusing victims.

A family member raped me when I was 10. He raped a close relative 20 years later. He was arrested five years after that. I was not his first victim. The family knew — after all, most of them had been abused by their father, my grandfather. Keeping silent was a family tradition. How many dozens of children did my uncle victimize over those 25 years? How much damage did he cause? To this day, there are still members of my family who use coercion and guilt to try to keep the secrets hidden.

How many children can we save from sexual molestation by talking about our history of abuse, and yes, naming our abusers? It’s not easy. The first time I told my story publicly was two months ago – 38 years after that rape. I can say “my uncle,” but I still can’t say his name. I understand how hard it is to put some experiences into words, to attach your name and face to those experiences. Alaska’s sexual assault statistics are some of the worst in the nation, but statistics don’t move people. Personal stories do, and if we want to make serious strides in combatting these crimes, we need people to care.

The platform I used to start speaking publicly was 49th Rising, at 49rising.com. I invite you to go there and read the stories. Real stories by real women in Alaska who have decided to take control of how, when, and where our stories are told. Wherever you are in your path right now, if you feel you can, I invite you to submit your story, with or without your name, with or without your picture. We are with you; we are listening; we believe you.