To Curb Sexual Abuse of Children, Be Alert to "Grooming"

Chicago Tribune
March 11, 2019

https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/editorials/ct-edit-grooming-sex-abuse-20190411-story.html

eaving Neverland,” the HBO documentary alleging Michael Jackson sexually abused two young boys, examines an insidious aspect of child sex abuse: the way predators might groom children and even parents to build intimacy and trust.

Unfortunately, many of these alleged behaviors are only clear in retrospect. Gifts and outings with an admired adult may seem normal and even welcome. The child is flattered. The parents are proud. Only later might the plot become clear.

Jackson died in 2009. His family and estate have long denied the allegations contained in “Leaving Neverland.” But the documentary raises uncomfortable questions about predatory behavior. Among them: How does a mother luxuriate in a hotel suite while her young son is in bed with a grown man a few floors away? At least part of the answer is a grooming process in which victim and family come to trust and care for the accused predator. Viewers may pat themselves on the back for being smart enough not to let their children sleep with a gloved pop star. But look at Larry Nassar, the USA Gymnastics doctor accused of molesting hundreds of girls and grooming an entire community. Or at the hundreds of abuser priests who were widely trusted figures.

These insinuations of evil require a canny defense, and that means an adult one. No one wants to walk around paranoid all the time. But after a generation or two of kids alerted to “stranger danger,” experts say too much emphasis may be placed on what children themselves can do. Prevent Child Abuse America says the burden of abuse prevention should shift from children to adults. It suggests campaigns to increase adult awareness and teach actions to protect children.

What might safeguards against grooming look like?

A new anti-grooming policy was among remedies enacted after the Chicago Tribune’s “Betrayed” series in 2018 on sex abuse in the Chicago Public Schools. The guidelines prohibit school employees from singling out students for personal attention or gifts, chatting with students on social networking sites and transporting students without permission and another adult present. They also require employees to report such behavior when they witness it. (There is a separate Illinois crime that is also called grooming; it refers specifically to using an electronic device to seduce or lure someone under the age of consent.)

So: an eye on fawning attention from adult to child, gifts, online outreach and rides home, especially when these activities are combined or escalating. A reminder that kids might not recognize abuse when it happens or use that name for it. Children can be confused by what they believe to be positive attention.

Parents already know they need to ask annoying questions and make unpopular decisions (no, you won’t be spending the night there). Anyone, parent or not, can advocate for appropriate child-adult policies where they work, worship or volunteer. All grownups can be aware of suspicious situations and support asking direct questions. Alert aunties can step in where others fear to tread.

Yes, parents and other responsible parties must teach children to understand boundaries around body parts, touching and secret-keeping. All adults have a moral obligation to be protectors. But let’s take this #MeToo moment to also expose the process by which predators charm victims, families and others, including entire communities. Before sexual contact comes the confidence trick, and in some cases an opportunity to stop abuse before it happens.