The Globe’s investigation revealed that the Church, lawyers and some of the faithful went to great lengths to keep the accusations quiet. The team also exposed the fact that psychologists working with the church believed that these priests could be rehabilitated. Some were declared cured and sent back into parishes only to abuse again. One such priest was John J. Geoghan and since the mid-1990s more than 130 people have come forward with horrific tales of his abuse, according to the original Boston Globe article released in January of 2002. Geoghan was the early focus of the team because the church successfully had the court documents attached to his case sealed.

Released in 2015, the movie was critically acclaimed. Those involved in the movie raked in the awards in 2016 including the Academy Award of Best Picture. I’ll typically search out movies that are this lauded. I just wouldn’t budge on this one. Another shot fired at the faithful I richoceted in my mind. But I had no idea what the movie was about other than a scandal that I was personally in denial about.

One evening while searching through Netflix for something to watch, “Spotlight” appeared in the recently added folder. I checked out the trailer and decided to acquiesce. The trailer had me intrigued because it portrayed that the movie was focused on the passionate efforts of the Spotlight team. So, I watched the movie.

At this time, I was in my first year as publisher of the Frontiersman newspaper in Alaska. As I watched the movie, I never felt so conflicted. As the reporters dug deeper and actors portraying victims told their stories I was riveted. My emotions ranged from disbelief — because after all, it’s just a movie — to embarrassment that I blindly followed my church to the point I thought it could do no wrong.

After watching the movie, I began researching the actual story including reading the first two articles of the more than 600 written by the Boston Globe staff on the subject. I was dumbfounded. I couldn’t believe that the leadership of the church I loved would time and time again return known child sex abusers back into the midst of their prey.

I was shocked at how easy it was for these priests to get so intimate with vulnerable families. How the Church would quiet the priests who would report these abuses. All for what appeared to be saving the Church’s reputation. I felt so naïve and betrayed.

Sacha Pfeiffer, a Spotlight reporter, said her grandmother told her after reading the stories, “I can’t believe this happened, because we all thought the priests were little gods.”

We who have been deeply rooted in our faith felt the same way. Having a priest over for dinner or coffee was an honor. Families line up to serve the church and build a relationship with their priest. The majority of priests are incredibly devout, spiritually gifted and genuinely care about the parishioners they serve. Now the scandal is a global phenomenon and trust in the relationship between priest and parishioner has suffered. That’s a small price to pay when the victims of the abuse are considered.

After watching the movie and researching the child abuse scandal I have only been to Mass a handful of times. My on again, off again relationship with the Sunday ritual of going to Mass is still just that.

As fate would have it, my path would cross with Walter “Robby” Robinson the then editor of the Spotlight team. Michael Keaton portrayed him in the movie.

Robinson came to Alaska during the summer of 2018 and a mutual friend set us up on a fishing trip for salmon. I was able to spend a significant amount of time with Robinson during his trip. I learned a ton about journalism from one of the best.

This past week, a 263-page report was released by an independent investigator that found 166 children were abused and accuses 43 priests in Colorado. Five priest are accused of committing most of the abuse. We know that these reports are surfacing across the nation including a Pennsylvania grand jury investigation that identified 301 abusive priests and 1,862 victims to date. I hate to think what the numbers are globally.

When these accusations began to come to light in the late 1990s early 2000s, I was in denial. I even took offense thinking the Church was being falsely accused. My thinking was there was no way that the Church I love could be a willing participant by moving priests from community to community instead taking steps to present the abusers to the justice system.

Now I know how wrong I was and it weighs heavy on me and I’m reminded of my guilt every time a new report surfaces. As Robinson said to me: “It was a gut punch for all of us.”

There is no settlement amount from the church that can undo the damage that it has been done. I was heartened to listen to Archbishop of Denver Samuel Aquila addressing of the report in a video message he shared when this week when the report was released. I believe he is sincere in his promises to, as he put it, “ensure that we don’t repeat the sins of our past.”

But still … there is nothing that can be done that will undo or even heal the victims of this atrocity.

One victim in the Boston Globe investigation, who stood out to Robinson after the story broke and the team was inundated with phone calls from victims, was an 87-year-old man from Maine. He claimed he was abused by a priest in 1926. He lived with the abuse his entire life and never told anyone according to Robinson. That’s 76 years of tortured silence.