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[Opinion] Movie star calls his perp -- please don't try this!
adamhorowitzlaw.com (law firm blog)
In 2011, actor Gabriel Byrne disclosed that he’d been sexually abused by a Christian Brother in Ireland. http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/jan/19/gabriel-byrne-child-sex-abuse Now, he’s revealing that, years later, he called his abuser. While we at Horowitz Law feel deep sympathy for Byrne (as we do all victims of childhood trauma), we beg you to NOT follow his lead. Every survivor is different. Every survivor heals in different ways. And we at Horowitz Law aren’t therapists. Still, we urge you to resist the temptation to contact the man or woman who hurt you as a child. At best, you’ll very likely be disappointed. At worst, it could come back to haunt you.
Byrne’s motive for the call, he admits, was ‘I wanted in those last seconds to call him a c*** and say that even though I don’t believe in Hell, I hope he does because I want him to be terrified and burn forever.” “But I said nothing. Some part of me did not want to hurt an old man with a kindly voice stuck in a retirement home who now had no memory of me or anything he’d done.” Byrne has said that he had struggled with alcoholism and depression in the past, and that he had been “deeply hurt” over the abuse he endured as a boy, even though he described the horror as short-lived. “It took many years to come to terms with it. . .” although at the time, “I didn’t think it severely impacted me.” The star added: ‘Even years later, it feels like the night has been concreted over. I’ve been picking at it with a pin ever since, afraid to use a jackhammer, afraid of what’s buried in there.’ But about calling predators, you might think “My situation is somewhat different.” And you may be right. Still, we urge caution. But if you really feel compelled to contact your abuser, we certainly hope you’ll consult with a therapist, an attorney and law enforcement first, before putting yourself at risk and making such a call. “How can a call like this hurt me?” you might ask. Sometimes, survivors – consciously or subconsciously – hope or even predict that, after the passage of years, a perpetrator will admit and apologize for his crimes. Sadly, that rarely happens, and often the victim is left wounded again. Sometimes, after such a call, a predator will immediately phone the police and make false allegations of threats or extortion demands by the victim. A few child molesters have gone so far as to call a friendly judge or police officer and seek or get a restraining order against the victim, which hurts both the survivor’s feelings and later potentially his or her credibility. So, again, please reconsider making such a call. There are of course exceptions. For example, sometimes when a victim finds the strength to call law enforcement, law enforcement officials ask the victim to do a carefully-arranged, taped call or meeting with the abuser. But in nearly every other situation, again, we urge you to take other steps to foster healing rather than hope that phone contact with a child molester will be helpful to you. (Byrne has starred in many films, including: Excalibur (1981), Miller’s Crossing (1990), The Usual Suspects (1995), Stigmata (1999), End of Days (1999), Spider (2002), Jindabyne (2006), Vampire Academy (2014), The 33 (2015), and Hereditary (2018), and co-wrote The Last of the High Kings (1996). Byrne has also produced several films, including the Academy Award–nominated In the Name of the Father (1993).
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