'It's the end of a very long fight and a very hard road'

By Carl O'Brien
Irish Times
November 27, 2009

http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/ireland/2009/1127/1224259546938.html

VICTIM'S REACTION: Twenty-five years after she first reported being sexually abused as a 12-year-old girl, Marie Collins finally feels vindicated.

“It’s the end of a very long fight and a very hard road,” she said. “I’ve always known I was telling the truth. To have an independent commission come out and validate what we went through is very important. It confirms what happened to me and other children.”

For Ms Collins, the journey to publication has taken well over two decades.

In 1985 she first reported her own abuse at the hands of a chaplain in Our Lady’s Hospital for Sick Children in Crumlin to a church representative. Nothing happened.

Ten years later she went directly to the Dublin archdiocesan leadership. It was clear they were more concerned with protecting the institution.

“That abuse was almost as bad,” she recalled. “It was institutional abuse. The church was an institution I had huge respect and trust in. Yet, they were making me out to be a liar. That was just dreadful. For men in exalted positions in the church to treat you like that . . . and they were quite at ease in their power to attack your credibility.”

The effect of this treatment, as well as the psychological harm caused by the abuse she suffered, made matters worse.

“The damage that abuse causes is mostly psychological. You think you’re a bad person. You have a very negative self-image. Because you’re a child, you are only developing your self-image. I ended up becoming anxious, depressed. I had severe bouts of agoraphobia which in the end destroyed my career.”

Ms Collins never planned on going public. She wanted assurances from the church’s hierarchy that the abuse she suffered would not continue. They never materialised.

In February 1998 she sent an e-mail to the Today with Pat Kenny radio show. The broadcaster read it during his programme, which had been discussing an investigation into allegations of child abuse by swimming coaches. She wanted to know why there was no similar investigation into child abuse by priests.

Following this, she was the subject of an RTÉ documentary. Lawyers for the archdiocese tried to stop it, saying she was lying and threatened to sue if it was broadcast. In the end, it was broadcast.

When the story of her abuse appeared in newspapers, her parish priest told parishioners at Mass not to believe what they read in the press; they should read the Catholic paper instead. Ms Collins was among the congregation.

She has battled the effects of abuse through counselling and therapy and come out the other side. She is no longer a practising Catholic, although she retains her faith. At 63, she is finally beginning to enjoy life.

“I’ve got to the point where I don’t look back on those 30 years and think what could have been different if I wasn’t abused.”