UNITED STATES
Religion News Service
Boz Tchividjian | Mar 8, 2014
Those were the first words of a short email I receive about a year ago from a person identifying himself as Michael Reagan, and who informed me that it was time for Christians to finally begin acknowledging the existence of child abuse. At first, I had no idea who this man was and why he was writing me. A short Google investigation later led me to discover that this email was from the son of my childhood hero, Ronald Reagan! That correspondence was the beginning of a dear friendship with a man that has deeply moved and inspired me in so many amazing ways.
As a child of two famous actors, Michael Reagan was not immune from the dark and destructive offense of child sexual abuse. As a young boy, Mike was sexually abused for over a year by a perpetrator who owned an exclusive after school care program and whose actions and threats shamed a little boy into silence for decades. As all sexual abuse survivors, my friend Mike has spent a lifetime processing this horrific offense as he walks along this long and difficult journey of healing. He has graciously taught me so much about an issue that I thought I knew so much about. Last week, I had the privilege of introducing Mike to students at Liberty University School of Law and then sat down and listened to him spend the next hour opening up his heart in such a raw and transparent way about this incredibly difficult and personal issue. Though what I heard cannot be adequately described in written words, I want to share just a snapshot of what this brave man taught me during that hour.
My friend Mike taught me that child sexual abuse shames survivors into silence. A shame fueled by one’s own confusion and pain. A shame fueled by a fear of what those around will think and say. A child who is taken to an isolated place and told to take off his clothes as the perpetrator takes pictures, and then later shown those pictures as the perpetrator says, “Wouldn’t you mother like a copy of this?”, will be shamed into silence. A boy who is being victimized by a male perpetrator and sits in church listening to a pastor preach that homosexuals are going to hell, will be shamed into silence. A teenage survivor of sexual abuse who is sent away to boarding school and finds himself wetting his bed each night due to the abuse trauma will be shamed into silently getting up early each morning to discreetly change his sheets before anyone else notices. An abuse survivor who finally gains enough courage to tell his stepmother only to have her initial response be concern about her own reputation, will be shamed into silence. The list could go on and on. Michael Reagan has helped me understand the destructive power of shame and that its source comes from perpetrators, loved ones, friends, and even inside our churches.
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