UNITED STATES
Rhymes with Religion
Boz Tchividjian | Feb 13, 2015
Not long ago, a friend was staying overnight with a family during an out of town visit. That evening, the family had a group of friends and acquaintances over for dinner and conversation. Sometime during the dinner, one of the male guests got up from dinner and sat in the adjoining living room. During and after dinner, my friend observed this male guest remain in the living room talking and playing with the elementary age son of the guests. At first, my friend did not think anything of the fact that this young man was spending time with this boy. However, as the evening went on, my friend realized that the attention of this adult was focused exclusively upon this child as they played on the couch together, touched each other’s faces, and engaged in other seemingly “innocent” physical contact. At some point, my friend became troubled with the ongoing contact between this guest and the child. After dinner, my friend overheard the young man invite the boy to follow him to the (dark) basement to go hide during a game of hide and seek. At this point, my friend became conflicted about whether she should say something to the boy’s parents or simply leave the situation alone.
My friend’s predicament is not unique. In the past 20 years, I have come across many situations where folks have found themselves conflicted about whether to say something after observing unsettling behavior between an adult and a child. Unfortunately, too many have decided it’s best to remain silent. A silence that is all too often fueled by fear. Here are five common fears that can convince us to “leave the situation alone”:
Fear of being wrong: We fear that we could be wrong since no blatant abuse was observed. We second-guess our instincts and all too often convince ourselves that our worries are unfounded. We decide it’s best to remain silent.
Fear of being right: We fear the incredibly dark possibility that someone we actually know may be grooming a child for abuse. Such depravity is too much for us to comprehend and is much easier to deny. We decide it’s best to remain silent.
Fear of being ignored: We fear that our concerns will be ignored by those who refuse to believe that suspecting adult could possibly have had any sinister motives for their behavior. In her book, Predators, psychologist Anna Salter writes,
“…those who see child molesters as monsters seem the quickest – when their neighbor, friend, or family member – to say that it is definitely a false report.”
We decide it’s best to remain silent.
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