NEW YORK
Syracuse.com
By Special to syracuse.com
on June 09, 2016
The writer is an adjunct professor at Onondaga Community College, serves on the board of Vera House and speaks publicly about the issue of sexual abuse.
By Jennifer Nadler
I went back and forth about writing about the Child Victims Act that appears to be dead in the water. The state Senate recently voted it down 30 to 29. I can’t change the vote. Sen. DeFrancisco’s opinion is the statutes of limitations in child sexual abuse cases should not be eliminated. I probably won’t change his opinion. While there are many things I cannot change, I choose to focus on what I can. I stayed silent for so many years about the sexual abuse that was destroying my life. I can no longer stay silent. Today, I choose to use my voice.
I am a professor, a wife, a mother, and I am a sexual abuse survivor. I was repeatedly abused by a family member when I was 12 and 13 years old. It took 25 years to be able to say this without embarrassment or shame, without guilt or regret, without fear or self-loathing. It was 25 years too long.
I did not tell. I could not tell. I would not tell a soul. Frequently, children don’t tell. They believe it is their fault. I believed it was mine. I carried around a suitcase full of guilt and shame. With every passing year, that suitcase became heavier and heavier. In my mid-20s, my life unraveled until there was nothing left of me but that scared, ashamed, broken little 12-year-old girl.
Many people don’t understand why it takes so long for survivors to come forward. It is not a choice. It is a coping mechanism. Each survivor has his or her way of dealing with the trauma and emotional pain of sexual abuse. Drinking, doing drugs, binge eating, being a workaholic, gambling, acting out sexually are just some of the destructive behaviors that get survivors through their darkest of days. Eventually our coping mechanisms are no longer enough to keep our secrets and our pain at bay.
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