SCOTLAND
Scotsman
DANI GARAVELLI
When Helen Holland talks about the abuse she suffered at the hands of nuns and priests at Nazareth House in Kilmarnock it is as if she has been transported back into her childhood.
She may be sitting serenely in her home in Dunbartonshire – her long hair twisted in a Rapunzel coil, her two Yorkshire Terriers dozing in her lap – but the pain of what happened to her and the way it made her feel – unwanted, unloved, unworthy – has not been blunted by the passage of time. Half a century later, she is still plagued by night terrors which send her screaming into the street. And everyday encounters trigger sudden panics. The sound of a nurse’s feet in a hospital corridor – like a nun’s steps across a dormitory – send her into meltdown; when a doctor carries out an examination, she can feel it on her skin for weeks afterwards.
These are some of the legacies of Holland’s years in care. She knows the past cannot be erased, but she wants her suffering documented and publicly acknowledged. Although financial redress is important, what she craves most of all is validation.
After so long being ignored, survivors across the country hoped the public inquiry into child abuse in care would provide that validation. Instead, the resignation of panel member Professor Michael Lamb and chair Susan O’Brien QC amidst allegations of Scottish Government “interference” has reinforced their feelings of worthlessness.
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