NEW ORLEANS (LA)
Lamothe Law Firm [New Orleans, LA]
December 12, 2025
By Julien G. Lamothe
Eight Grooming Tactics Pedophile Priests Use on Abusers and Communities
Sexual grooming is widely recognized as a method that abusers employ to build trust and camaraderie with potential victims. Over time, this process lowers their target’s inhibitions and helps facilitate abuse. The abuser slowly creates trust through actions that may seem harmless or kind, furthering the abuser’s intentions of violating the child and ensuring their silence.
Research exploring these patterns among sexually abusive priests reveals that these offenders also use grooming techniques on other members of their communities. They use conscious, directed methods to establish trust with parents and community members. These tactics help reduce or eliminate skepticism or suspicion about the relationship between the offender and the victim, casting doubt on any reported impropriety.
Setting the Stage for Sexual Abuse and Assault
A retrospective content analysis of documents concerning credibly accused priests from a Catholic diocese in Illinois identified eight distinct grooming techniques. The priests used one or more of these methods to create opportunities for abuse and cover up their wrongdoing.
1. Abuse and Misuse of Respect
While most of the grooming behaviors observed in the diocesan study are similar to those used by other sexual offender patterns, one technique is unique to members of the clergy. Priests are often referred to as “spiritual advisors” or “holy men,” and they are given a measure of respect and deference due to their position.
Abusive priests exploit this advantage, using it to gain trust, admiration, and obedience. Their presumed trustworthiness helps them avoid suspicion and discourages victims from reporting abuse. One district attorney noted that an accused priest “used his power as a man of God to molest [his victims]…and persuade them to stay silent about it.”
2. Overnight Stays and Trips
The analysis showed that the accused priests often used out-of-town trips or overnight stays to nurture close relationships with their victims and build trust. Allegations against 62.5% of the sample priests involved abuse that occurred while traveling. These trips involved destinations such as cabins or condominiums in neighboring states, like Wisconsin, or local hotels in cities like Chicago.
Crucially, these occasions provided opportunities to seclude the victims from their parents, guardians, and viable escape routes. One victim noted that the abuser’s goal was to take the victim into an environment “where he either has control or you would never run because there’s no way home.”
3. Establishing Relationships with Parents
In more than half of the reviewed cases, the accused priest actively developed positive relationships with their victim’s parents. This tactic enabled the priest to gain the parents’ confidence, who reported thinking of the clergy member as a “good mentor” or “very good friend.” Once they established this relationship and trust, the priests easily gained parental consent for activities like overnight fishing trips, dinners, or counseling sessions that became opportunities for abuse.
4. Guise of Friendship
Half of the reviewed files indicated that abusive priests feigned friendship, mentorship, or guidance to gain their victims’ trust. The victims reported feeling that the abusers were “very understanding” and would make time for spiritual direction while also doing nice, kind things for their benefit. These calculated interactions confused and blurred the children’s boundaries. In one case, a priest kissed a nine-year-old girl during a counseling session, telling her, “It’s our secret; we’re going to be real good friends.”
5. Alcohol, Cigarettes, and Drugs
In 56% of the files, the accused priests used intoxicants to entice victims or lower their inhibitions. They often used this technique during out-of-town trips or meetings in the privacy of the rectory. The priests exploited the curiosity adolescents have toward alcohol and drugs, concealing their intentions by pretending to be a “cool older person who skirts the rules.” While victims were intoxicated or temporarily unconscious from the effects of these substances, the priests had unfettered opportunities for sexual abuse.
6. Playing Favorites
The accused priests commonly identified specific children, such as altar boys, as their “favorites,” giving them rewards or extra privileges. This manipulation served to distort the victim’s emotions, making them feel “special” compared to other children. This type of favoritism also created tension and hostility between the victims and other children, isolating them so the abuser gained control and obedience. This emotional dependence ensured the victim’s silence and created an environment of confusion and guilt.
7. Physical Play
Priests in 31% of the reviewed cases used wrestling, roughhousing, or similar physical play to lower victims’ inhibitions and establish immediate physical interactions. These activities often took place in the rectory or on church grounds. Once the priest established a physical relationship, it would gradually escalate from seemingly innocent arm wrestling or “mercy” games to tickling, fondling, and groping.
8. Gifts and Other “Cool” Stuff
Evidence of gift-giving appeared in 25% of the files examined. These gifts ranged from small toys, such as Matchbox cars and bicycles, to large items, including a pool table or a motorhome. In some cases, the priest allowed victims to play with or use his own “cool” gadgets, luring children in and instilling a desire to be around the abuser.
The Role of Grooming in Institutional Abuse
Sexual abusers typically fall into three classifications: family members, acquaintances, or strangers to their victims. Clergy members do not fit neatly into any of these categories. While many parishioners and community members trust their priest almost like family, they usually know them primarily through their professional role in the church.
Broader studies of sexual abuse show that grooming is a crucial factor in the onset of abuse because it helps the abuser overcome the child’s resistance. In addition to using grooming techniques on their victims, many abusive priests use these tactics on parents, community members, and other individuals who might stand in their way. They use their professional position and credibility within the church to integrate themselves into the victim’s family life, spending extended periods socializing with them to build trust.
Three factors must converge for abuse to occur: A motivated offender, a potential victim, and the lack of capable guardians to protect the child. Grooming effectively neutralizes external protections around the potential victim. It also undermines the credibility of any accusations. If a child attempts to report abuse after this familial or community grooming has taken place, the community’s established acceptance and trust of the perpetrator may cause them to discount the accusations.
Understanding how priests and other abusers use an array of calculated grooming behaviors is essential. It allows communities to develop prevention measures that reduce opportunities for child sexual abuse and enables parents and community members to identify potential red flags before abuse occurs.