UNITED STATES
Sticking the Corners
June 17, 2015 by Jennifer Fitz
In yesterday’s installment in this series on preventing and stopping sexual abuse, I created three pairs of fictional scenarios. Scene A was a typical case of ordinary parish life mishaps; Scene B was covert sexual abuse. Today I want to explain how I crafted those pairs, and what the hallmarks of covert abuse were that I put into all the Scene B’s.
Let’s pause here and encourage you to read up on this subject elsewhere. My analysis below isn’t based on statistical modeling, and I don’t have academic credentials to hand you. This is just me taking what I’ve seen and heard, both from my own experience with sexual abuse cases (limited) and reading and listening to the accounts of others. I’m writing what I am not because I’m the world’s expert, but because this topic is so important that you can’t just sit around hoping someone more impressive will come along and answer all the questions. I hope they will. But meanwhile, we who’ve been in the trenches just share what we know.
So I write this because I know how difficult it is to put your finger on why something is not right when you are presented with a case of covert abuse, and how important it is to step in and act at this stage, before the child porn and the sodomy and the rape get going.
This is me explaining the ingredients I put into my scenarios yesterday that, in my experience, are common characteristics of covert abuse:
1. Inappropriate Intimacy: Behavior Doesn’t Match Context
Covert abusers use normal situations as their cover-story for why they are so physically close to their victims. We know of many situations in which we come into close physical contact with another person, whether it’s in sports, or medicine, or day-to-day childcare. Physical touch in the form of a chaste hug, appropriate hand-holding, or other gestures of affection or solidarity are normal and healthy. Very young children need diapers changed or assistance potty-training, and often need to be held or carried. As a teacher or caregiver, you may have situations where you have to address sexual issues, such as finding sanitary pads for a student who’s surprised by her period or telling a young man to pull up his pants (underwear showing at the waist) or zip his fly.
The difference between abuse and normal care is that the abuser uses the excuse of a normal situation as a cover-up for abnormal behavior. Comparing the pairs of scenarios I wrote:
* It’s normal (though hopefully rare) for a teacher to have to respond to a fashion accident. It’s not normal for a teacher to physically touch a student’s chest or groin as part of “checking the dress code.”
* Normal physical contact in sports or games might involve holding hands, locking wrists, helping someone get up from the floor, correcting an athlete’s posture or position — but it doesn’t involve copping a feel.
* Normal first aid includes washing cuts or checking for other injuries, but if a kid comes to you with an ordinary scraped knee, you don’t need to do an inspection of the pelvis.
When you say goodnight to a child, your hands don’t go under the covers. When you are holding a child in the pool, your hands don’t go inside the swimsuit.
Note: This is an Abuse Tracker excerpt. Click the title to view the full text of the original article. If the original article is no longer available, see our News Archive.