ALBANY (NY)
BishopAccountability.org [Waltham MA]
October 8, 2025
By Colleen Garbarini
[Note: This survivor impact statement was spoken by Colleen Garbarini on September 12, 2025, during the third day of a survivor impact hearing in the Albany diocesan bankruptcy, at the U.S. Bankruptcy Court, James T. Foley United States Courthouse, in Albany.]
I appreciate the opportunity to share with you all today. I spent many years being quiet and remember the threats that were made if I wasn’t quiet. After decades of intense trauma focused therapy, I now know I am safe today. There is no shame that falls on me when I share what happened. That shame falls on the perpetrator of the abuse I suffered and on the institution that covered it all up. The shame is with the diocese.
When the child victims act became a thing, I had no desire to file suit. I thought how brave anyone was who could, but that wasn’t me. Why would I want to dredge this all up legally? Then I read a newspaper article about those who had filed. One of those people identified Br. Clement Murphy as the perpetrator of her abuse. She said that not only did he abuse her but she told multiple people. Her abuse happened 10 or more years before mine. She told people and no one did anything for her. He continued his abuse with multiple others including myself between 1979-1981. Then I was rageful- people knew, priests and sisters knew and he was allowed to continue.
I do not know her name because she was identified with initials only as I recall. Her bravery and courage opened up bravery for me. I don’t know if you are here or have been here the last 2-3 days but I need to say I see you, I hear you and I thank you. If not for you I would still be hiding in the shadows.
The abuse started when I was 7 and continued for a year or more. The grooming began on the playground of St Paul’s school. He was permitted to sit on the playground during recess and give out candy and little girls sat on his lap. He befriended my family as well. Eventually he was with me a lot. I was allowed to visit him at his residence- NDBG “rectory”.
The abuse was not just sexual- there was an emotional component and a spiritual/religious component as well and much of the time I believe some of those things had a larger impact. What I can say is today all the things that happened when I was between 7 and 9 years old continue to impact my life today. It impacts the minutia of my life. Not a day goes by that I am not triggered and physically/emotionally go back to that time. The cells in my body remember it all clearly and unfortunately, I visit there often.
There are many impacts- the biggest is I walk around this life being afraid most of the time. My nervous system is constantly on high alert. It has impacted all relationships I have. I continue to have a huge issue with trust. This keeps me emotionally and physically isolated much of the time.
This man touched and entered all parts of my body. He placed his penis in my mouth, he touched all of my private parts and eventually fully raped an 8-year-old little girl. He raped me! I was 8. He also told me he loved me, made me feel special. As a 7/8-year-old child all of this was atrocious and confusing. Additionally- during the time of the more intense abuse he would do what he wanted with me and then force me to kneel next to him completely naked and pray for forgiveness for what we just did. What WE did as if I played a part in his sin.
I struggle to get medical attention because I am afraid of the physical vulnerability this requires. I went close to 20 years not having an annual physical. The anxiety and panic that occurred when I even thought about going to the docs was debilitating. I went 25 years not seeing a dentist. My teeth began falling out. With many years and multiple therapy sessions focused on that specifically I eventually was able to get my teeth worked on but the amount of work I then needed was so expensive. I was only able to get part of the work done and needed to use credit to afford it. This only occurred within the last 2 years. Things that most people can do with no problem send me into intense panic. When covid happened and we needed to wear masks in public I was in a grocery store and had to abandon my cart and leave because my nervous system went back to 1979 and I felt trapped in the room with my mouth covered because he didn’t want anyone to know I was there. I was isolated more than others during that time because I could not wear a mask and have my mouth covered, I opted to stay home.
My parenting was impacted. I know at times I was a helicopter parent because I didn’t believe the world or people were safe for my babies. I know at times that has impacted my relationship with my dear sweet children that are now adults.
My spiritual life was impacted. I have been unable to use a higher power that is depicted as a male. I have rebuilt my spiritual life with a higher power that is not personified. I placed great value in my religion for many years but I no longer feel emotionally or spiritually safe worshipping as a community with the institution that had no interest in protecting me and hundreds of others. Hubbard said he was not a mandated reporter which is why most of it was not reported- but what kind of human beings (even clergy) would not protect the most vulnerable sheep of the flock? Every time I think of this I am full of rage especially since clergy are still not mandated reports. It makes zero sense to me. Why do laws of the church supersede the laws that all other people who live in this country? We should all be mandated reports and protect our children- no matter who you are, what your job is.
One of the biggest impacts is financial and continues to be. I have spent large amounts of money on multiple forms of mental health support for over 25 years. Some of the things I require to advance my healing are not covered by insurance and now with high deductible insurance plans I pay out of pocket 5000 dollars or more per year in addition to the premiums. I wish all of this money could be recouped and covered for the rest of my life. I currently see a trauma focused therapist twice a week in order to have support in healing and in day to day triggers and impacts (the minutia of my life). I also have required psychiatric support throughout my healing journey. That’s even more expensive than the therapy. So many things I have required to keep me afloat and functional. It has cost so much money and there have been times I have needed to borrow money in order to maintain this ongoing need for my mental health and pay all my other bills.
Before closing I need to thank all other survivors of clergy abuse within Albany diocese. Whether you filed suit or not, whether you spoke in court or not, whether you told anyone or not please know I think of you all often and pray that the horrific abuses we suffered during our formative years will continue to heal. It will ALWAYs have a daily impact but we are stronger than our perpetrators and we are stronger than the institution that systematically protected themselves instead of children. Shame on them! No shame on us!
I call upon the court to move as quickly as possible in the interest of the survivors who continue to suffer and deserve compensation, which may be the only visible way to acknowledge and attempt to hold the church accountable for the impacts of the extraordinary harm that it so willingly covered and enabled.
© 2025 Colleen Garbarini. Reprinted with permission.