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	Teaching Children Is Key to Fighting Sex Abuse Parents' Vigilance Must Include Acquaintances Statesman Journal [Oregon] January 24, 2005 Sex abuse is an ugly thing to think about, let alone to talk about with your children. But as a parent, you must. You cannot rely on the authorities to find molesters before molesters find your child. The system works far too slowly and imperfectly. That certainly was the case with Salem-Keizer middle-school band teacher Joe Billera, who recently pleaded guilty to abusing four former students. Abusers typically harm many children before they get caught. These men -- they're nearly always men -- are not the strangers we warn our children against; strangers rarely get near enough to hurt our children. That's what makes the job as parent so difficult. Instead, the abuser generally is someone the child knows well -- a relative or member of the household, or a coach, a church worker, a teacher, a family friend. Not only does your child trust this person; you do. The abuser has invested months or years into grooming you both. You can't comprehend that this wonderful person could betray your trust and your child's trust so completely. To complicate matters, a molester may act honorably in every other part of his life. Even if you have a strange feeling about him, dozens of others think he's great. You wind up asking yourself: Could you be overreacting? Trust your gut. You are your child's first and best protector. To fill that role, you'll have to learn some things you'd rather not know about. Child sexual abuse comes in many forms, from photographing children to sexual touching and sexual intercourse. Middle-school girls are especially vulnerable to being exploited on the Internet by older men who strike up friendships online. As a parent, you must talk with your child about these things in a way that is appropriate for his or her age. Renew that conversation often as your child grows older. Make sure your child understands that you would not be angry if he or she had something important to tell you. Identify other trusted adults your child could confide in. Don't place too much confidence in your child's ability to recognize and avoid danger. Children still are sorting out their place in the world. You need to know who's spending time with your child and step in if something seems amiss. Watch out for other families' children, too. In the same way "eyes on the street" protect our neighborhoods from crime, an abundance of watchful eyes can protect our children from sexual assaults at sporting events, birthday sleepovers and camp. Don't hesitate to contact law enforcement, child welfare or school authorities if you're concerned about something. Keep pushing, if need be, on your child's behalf. Sometimes, even with formal, well-founded complaints, people in responsible positions don't do the right thing. Don't give up. Don't settle for anything less than being taken seriously. Don't let higher-ups turn a blind eye or protect an abuser. When you have filed a formal complaint and it seems to be going nowhere, one option is to contact the Statesman Journal. These are grim things to discuss. But if these incidents get our community talking about how to better protect our kids, one scrap of good will come from them. If they prompt our school district, our police department and our teachers union to take a more proactive stance, that will be even better.