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	Blaming Someone Else Isn't Right Response By Marie A. Conn Philadelphia Inquirer [Philadelphia PA] October 17, 2005 We are not even to the midterm point of this fall semester, and one of my seniors has already dug herself into a hole so deep that she may not be able to salvage the course. The remarkable thing is her uncanny ability to blame everyone else for this dire situation: me, her internship supervisor, the athletic director. Any target will do, so long as it keeps her from facing the problem squarely and taking responsibility for it. And, sadly, this should not surprise me. After all, when District Attorney Lynne Abraham published the grand jury report on the sexual abuse by priests in the Philadelphia Archdiocese, Cardinal Justin Rigali cried anti-Catholic bias. And when House Majority Leader Tom DeLay was indicted, he cried partisan politics. On every level of our society, the response to difficult situations is to focus attention, not on the issue, but on those who make it known. Perhaps there is nothing new in this. Children, whose primary moral compass consists in earning praise and avoiding punishment, learn early on to blame someone else. But in my world, it was up to the adults involved to point out that this is not the best way to handle things. The adage "honesty is the best policy" used to actually mean something. And perhaps one of the most negative aspects of playing "the blame game," as the media love to call it, is that it requires a level of hypocrisy that is almost as bad as the original action or behavior itself. Although I can never enter into the emotional, physical, psychological and spiritual pain endured by the victims of priest abuse, or understand the suffering of the many decent and dedicated priests in our diocese, I can feel the sting of betrayal on the level of an active, lifelong Catholic who loves her church. Those who, like me, are single and Catholic, are required, without benefit of any elaborate ritual of ordination or religious profession, to remain celibate for life. Whether you are single by choice or circumstance (my sweetheart died of cancer when we were young), this is a tremendous challenge. To learn that those who constantly remind me of my vow-less celibacy often and tragically fail to keep their own vows saddens me in a way that is hard to describe. Politicians who storm into office with a pledge of "cleaning up" Washington and then are shown to have violated ethics rules have a reason to express shame and contrition. Power can be seductive. The failing isn't reprehensible, but the refusal to admit it is. We all make mistakes. That's what second, and even third and fourth, chances are for. But we have to earn that extra chance by addressing the issue head-on. If we're innocent, we must show that convincingly. If we're guilty, then we must not only accept whatever penalty the situation warrants, but we also must express sorrow for the pain we've caused and ask permission to do better in the future. This is true of a politician of national stature; it is true of a cardinal archbishop; and it is true of you and me. It took me a lot of years to realize that, in the end, admitting mistakes up front is not just the most honorable way to deal with others; it is actually the easiest. Just as telling the truth saves us from having to remember the lies we create, so honest admission of wrongdoing or simple error takes the monkey off our backs and enables us and those around us to start rebuilding relationships. If only our young people had more models in the public arena to convince them of that.
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