|Raped Age 5 by Father Rucker, Her Life Was Chaotic and Reckless, Just like Mine
By Kay Ebeling
April 17, 2009
There was so much pedophilia in L.A. Catholic parishes that when Fr. Rucker got to St. Anthony’s, he would walk into a first grade class, pick out a student, take her off into the rectory or even on the altar and rape her. A 6 year old girl, often with "giving of Communion wine." A legal brief on George Neville Rucker states that over and over he fondled her on her genitals, under her clothes, massaged her breasts and nipples, licked her, and penetrated her vagina with his penis. A six year old girl. Worse yet, he did the same to at least 23 other children, as 23 were able to come back as adults and file lawsuits in the Clergy Cases, during the one year window that opened in the statute of limitations in 2003 in California. A profligate sexual predator like George Neville Rucker likely had hundreds more victims, standard wisdom is that for every child sex victim who comes forward later as an adult there are 10 others whose stories we never hear.
Cindy Falter, the Rucker victim in the above case file, and I have become pretty good friends in the last two years, as we were both raped by Catholic priests at that age, 4-6, and today we share weird personality quirks as adults. I called her to tell her that in a hearing April 20th, the transcript of a deposition Rucker did with someone in Law Enforcement will likely be the last document from LA Clergy Cases 2007 to be ordered to remain sealed, which could bring the cases finally to an end. I asked Cindy about how she is doing today:
From interview with Cindy:
Most of us are so f---ed up. I think there’s even a couple of Rucker victims that only remotely function. He would scratch crosses in my chest with something like a needle, like a sewing needle.
ME: You said he would come in the classroom and pick you out
Cindy: He’d call down usually, and would have me go up. But yeah, sometimes he’d go in there and he’d pick me out but usually he’d then go back to his rectory and call for me to come up from there.
He used to take me down these stairs in a St. Anthony’s church and school property building.
Cindy: When he did what he did, when he penetrated me, after that I had this repeated dream of being naked scared in a forest, blood between my legs. And the god Pegasus comes forward and brings light and he picks me up out of the forest and takes me up in the sky with his wings and I'm safe and warm.
I ran away one time when I was in kindergarten, and I realize now it was after Rucker had already started raping me. I was five years old and I ran away all the way to the airport. I tried to get on an airplane. When they asked me why I ran away, I said I was going to find love.
Cindy remembered the rapes at age five but there was no way to document them, so her civil lawsuit case files begin with the incidents when Cindy was in first grade at St. Anthony’s Elementary School in El Segundo.
Then after the settlements in 2007, Cardinal Roger Mahony announced he’d be glad to meet with the victims to apologize.
Her mom was there, and in tears she told Mahony about the times Fr. Rucker was holding Cindy age 4 or 5. Her mom saw he was touching her inappropriately, and the first time she ever mentioned it was at that meeting with Mahony.
So the first time Cindy had confirmation that indeed Rucker was even raping her at age 4 and 5 was in that meeting with Mahony.
I ran away all the way to the airport. I tried to get on an airplane. When they asked me why I ran away, I said I was going to find love
I took my mother with me to the apology meeting with Mahony, and she talked about Rucker coming over to bless the house and touching me with his hands in appropriate places.
Rucker said to my mom, She’ll be fine, and I remember him carrying him off. I remember I was reaching for her. He said, I'm used to little children and walked away with me in his arms.
My mom at the meeting was crying and crying, and she said to Mahony, I was so stupid because I believed in the church and I believed in the priest and I didn't believe my own eyes.
But at the time of filing the lawsuit up to potential trial my mom still hadn’t dealt with it.
He was coming to see me at my parents’ house for blessings of the house, and he got to me then.
I went with Cindy to her “apology meeting with Mahony and covered it here in Cardboard Carnival Meets With Plaintiff
One personality fluke Cindy and I share is running away. She talks more about her experiences:
Oh God. [LAUGHS] God I don't even know how many times I ran away, so many. First time was at age five but I didn't actually get anywhere until I was 12 or 13 about 1970, 1971. I hitchhiked up to Northern California. I had a sister there up past Sacramento, I wanted to go live with her, but I got raped along the way.
Well, what happened was, the guy that picked me up held a knife to me and asked me to give him head. After it was over, I was afraid he was going to kill me so I rolled out of the car onto the freeway. I landed in the medium and then I got up stunned and ran across the freeway to the offramp. At the crosswalk up at the top, I passed out, because I had pneumonia. These two Navy guys took me to a clinic and got me medicine, then they took me to an apartment to take care of me. Then one day when I was feeling better, I went for a walk, it was a sunny day. I saw a guy watering his lawn with a Cheshire cat nearby like in Alice in Wonderland. I talked to him, he asked me in to smoke a joint, then he raped me. He tied my legs to the axle of his car in the basement, and when it was all over, I said, that was fun, let’s do it again, because I was scared he would kill me. I thought if I acted like his friend he would leave me alone. I went to get something to drink, he untied me, and he went to get me some milk, and I ran out of there butt naked down the street and ran into these people’s house and they called the cops. They arrested me for being a runaway. Turned out the guy was the Chief of Police’s relative
ARE YOU SHITTING ME? I ask,
And then I realize
I HAVE THIS SAME EXPERIENCE
My story as I start to tell it is so unbelievable, I see it in people’s faces, hear it in their voices, they start to not believe me. That's another characteristic Cindy and I share.
In fact we are probably friends for life now, though we come from different backgrounds and even different periods of time, we share weird personality quirks that we both think probably have to do with the PTSD reaction we both have.
Sexual trauma on a child implants itself in the brain and central nervous system, and affects the way you react to things. Just like all kids develop personalities based on the influences in their lives as they grow up. Cindy and I were both handled sexually by a priest at age 4 5 and 6 and we both lived chaotic lives, for her it meant always running away, for me it was always landing in situations where I ended up having lots of sex with lots of different men and experiencing the reality that gang bangs and prostitution is not as clean or as much fun as Lifetime and Showtime movies crack it up to be.
Movies that depict promiscuity never include the pain, the smells, the mysterious infections, the disrespect. But I'm digressing.
Cindy and I both have physical and mental weirdnesses, we both have trouble functioning, holding jobs, staying in one place. We both can tell you several escapades where we're not sure how we even came out alive.
Me, I went through life like Little Annie Fanny with brains. . . .
Why it takes decades for child sex crime victims to report,
Why sometimes they never report the crime at all
A lot of child sex crime victims are so screwed up growing up they don’t make it to adulthood, due to alcoholism, drug addiction, suicide. Others never remember what happened as children, all the way to the day they die. Repressed memory comes up often in sex crimes against children. Because we find ways to fantasize through the incident, and often the perpetrator scares us into covering up the memory. “If you tell anyone I’ll kill your parents,” that kind of pressure.
In my case I went through life thinking I had been visited by Michael the Archangel at age five in the woods, I still to this day see the silhouetted image, but I know now it’s Father Horne on our property on Lake Street in what was a rural region outside Chicago in 1953. All the way up to age 45, I thought I’d been visited by an angel, implanted with some special sexual thing, and I then took that sexual thing with me everywhere I went. I broke up marriages, left behind confused men and children, sexed my way across America, getting several venereal diseases, damaging my insides so bad I had to get it all cut out because the female body is not really meant to take in hundreds of different sized and shaped penises. To this day I have pubic pain that cripples me. . . .
So I got off on a rant there, this is supposed to be a story about Cindy:
The crimes of George Neville Rucker are phenomenal and he is just one priest in one parish, well actually he was in lots of LA parishes, one priest out of hundreds who were uncovered by that window of opportunity to file lawsuits in 2003 in California.
I asked, how are you doing today, Cindy:
I'm just now getting some kind of control of my life. I’d like to say it was the settlement, maybe it made things easier, I don't have to worry about homelessness or where my next meal is. The money provides some mental health improvement, gives me a little more confidence, but it’s not the settlement, that didn't fix me by any means.
What's helped me heal more than anything was going through the lawsuit and being vindicated, that I was heard. I was heard. Someone listened, and there is some legal recourse. I think sometimes that's why I drag it out the way I do, because I am not going to shut up until the right thing happens, which is these bastards need to be brought to justice.
Onward. . .
Any original material on these pages is copyright © BishopAccountability.org 2004. Reproduce freely with attribution.