Meet Timothy Cardinal Dolan, New York’s Newest Comedian

UNITED STATES
Minnesota SNAP

By Vinnie Nauheimer

Speaking at a diocesan convocation on public policy last week freshly minted cardinal; Timothy Dolan made his New York debut as a comedian. The critics all agree that the funniest line of the night was, “If you want an authoritative voice, go to the bishops. They’re the ones that speak for the truths of the faith.” The line was uttered with such solemnity that one almost forgot it was a comedy sketch. It immediately brought the house down and left them rolling in the aisles from belly laughter. Which bishop should we go to for the truth Timothy Dolan? Should we go to Bishop Keith Symons or Bishop Anthony J O’Connell both of who resigned because they themselves were sexual abusers? How about Bishop Raymond Lahey who was caught bringing child pornography into Canada on his computer? What about Bishop Patrick Ziemann who was caught, in his car, getting oral sex from a priest forced to wear a pager so he could be summoned when the bishop had an urge. Perhaps we should consult Bishop Roger Vangheluwe who sexually abused two of his nephews. Okay, enough with the bishops, this could turn into a litany.

Maybe Dolan meant that we go to a higher level of authoritative voice, like that of a cardinal. Edward Cardinal Egan appointed a known abuser in 2002 to St. Benedict’s, a parish with an elementary school, the priest was subsequently defrocked. According to the Bronx Press Review, a parishioner, called Cardinal Egan insane, did Egan speak for truth? In Chicago we have Cardinal George whose faux pas’ are legendary. The most recent involved Fr. McCormack, a known abuser from his days in the seminary, but Cardinal George refused to remove him. This despite Cardinal George being a signatory and to the Charter for Protection of Children produced in Dallas in 2002. I’m sure he speaks for the truth. Cardinal Mahoney of Los Angeles is another stellar truth teller who spent untold dollars fighting survivors with his adamant refusal to release records of sexually abusing priests. Who would look to anyone but him for the truth? Maybe we should ask for the truth from Philadelphia’s recently deceased Cardinal Anthony J. Bevilacqua who ordered aides to shred a 1994 memo that identified 35 Archdiocese of Philadelphia priests suspected of sexually abusing children? Now there was an authoritative voice that speaks the truths of the faith!

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