UNITED STATES
The Garden of Roses: Stories of Abuse and Healing
Virginia Jones
Have you ever wondered what the difference is between a journal and a diary? In a diary you record the events of the day. In a journal you can write about events, but you also write about your thoughts and feelings. Diaries use words in the form of prose. Journals can include anything, even pictures and poems. Because journaling gives us the freedom to express our feelings many ways, journaling is a powerful tool we can use to help us heal the wounds of trauma.
I am presenting this blog about how to journal to heal from abuse in two parts. Part One is short and strictly about how journaling helps us heal and how to journal. Part Two includes the three examples of how journaling helped survivors heal. One example is Princess, a domestic violence survivor. Another example is Kay, a clergy abuse survivor. The third is me. I write about how journaling helped me cope with abuse and rape. Please note that people who are fragile may be triggered by my story and by Kay’s story, so read these parts of the blog only as you are able to handle stories of abuse.
Part One: How Journaling Helps Us Heal:
1. Retelling our story helps us heal as long as we are telling it to a supportive listener and not having to tell it over and over to different advocates and law enforcement officials. Sometimes it is difficult to talk about what happened to us, but when we are ready to share, every time we tell our story to a supportive person, the bad thing that happened to us becomes a little bit smaller and less threatening. The advantage of journals is that they can sit around and wait for us to be ready to share, and they never judge us or criticize us or offer us unsolicited advice.
2. Journaling can help us prepare ourselves for potential legal action. As we remember the story and write it down, we can tell it more coherently to judges, attorneys, therapists, or law enforcement officers.
3. Journaling helps us process what happened to us. While we did the best we could under difficult circumstances, journaling can help us sit back and look at what happened with some distance between us and a traumatic episode. With this distance we can work on positive actions we might take next time we are faced with a difficult situation.
4. Writing about friends, things, and events that help us (i.e. expressing gratitude) or writing affirmations can reframe what happened in a way that helps us feel better about ourselves. Affirmations are positive statements about one’s self such as, “I am strong and brave, and I keep putting one foot in front of the other. I am getting through this.”
5. After a traumatic incident or a conflict with a loved one or a conflict with someone who is trying to help us, writing in a journal helps us calm down from the heat of the moment. This is good for us as it heals us. This is also good for our relationships. It is much better for us to calm down before we interact with other people so we don’t take our anger and pain out on them in ways that may come back to haunt us. We don’t want to wound and drive away people who care for us or who are trying to help us. …
Kay the City of Angels Lady/ Clergy Abuse Survivor:
Kay was abused by a Catholic priest at age 5. For many years she lived her life not comprehending how self destructive many of the choices she made were and why she made such poor choices. She did not even remember what caused her problems until she was in her forties, and her daughter turned 5 — the age at which Kay was abused by a Catholic priest. Then Kay began struggling with extremely disturbing memories.
Despite her raw edges, Kay is a gifted writer. For many years she has used her skills as a writer to eke out a living. She hopes someday that sharing her story will earn her more than just barely enough money to live on. She currently is sharing her life story piece by piece in her blog, along with the stories of other survivors and news and opinion about what is happening in the world of Catholic clergy abuse. Please read her blog but be forewarned that it is not for the faint of heart. Please note anyone who wants a sanitized, easy to read version of clergy abuse, do not read Kay’s writings. Her writing is filled with raw details and raw anger and pain. However, Kay is excellent at putting words together and is quite funny when the opportunity to be funny arises, so if you can cope with this, read on.
Note: This is an Abuse Tracker excerpt. Click the title to view the full text of the original article. If the original article is no longer available, see our News Archive.