UNITED KINGDOM
The Guardian
James Rhodes
In early August when I heard that Lowell Goddard had chosen to step down from the child abuse inquiry, I literally started to cry. That she initially resigned without any explanation made it even worse. It was a sharp shock. Survivors of sexual abuse are used to the world opening up underneath their feet and dropping down into nothingness, and that same feeling of upset returned to me from over 30 years ago when I heard the news. The chaos, rumours, resignations and industrial-strength ineptness that have both preceded Goddard and, more disconcertingly, followed her exit – culminating this week in not only the departure of Ben Emmerson QC but also his deputy Elizabeth Prochaska – have left me with just a single question: what the actual fuck is happening here?
The key issue for me, and probably for most of the survivors who this inquiry was designed to give a voice to, is one of trust. Theresa May fought for this inquiry. She fought for us. Back in July 2014 when she announced it as home secretary, you could almost see the eye-rolling going on among certain Tory party members. Yet, to her immense credit, she persevered. And then came the catalogue of mistakes, disasters and obstructions that, to all but the most naive of us, simply scream cover-up.
I don’t like the term “victim”. I prefer “survivor with shrapnel”. And speaking as one of those survivors, let me make it clear that even more debilitating than the physical pain of abuse, is the loneliness: for a child who is suffering sexual abuse, fear, when coupled with exhaustion, leads to indescribable isolation. Family members are often the worst people to speak to (in many cases they are the perpetrators, or they are aware of what is happening and are doing nothing), and there is often no one else to turn to. Even if there is a friendly teacher, the fear of what will happen if you speak out is invariably greater than the courage it takes to do so.
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