When someone opens up and shares that they have been sexually abused, how you respond is extremely important both for the healing of that child and for the process of investigating and uncovering the truth. There are certainly some excellent online resources that give guidance in this sensitive area. We at Horowitz Law, however, want to approach this from the opposite angle: What should you NEVER say to an abuse victim? For starters, here are the three words we believe you should avoid saying, probably ever but at least early on, to a survivor: “Why didn’t you. . .”
This question often ends with words or phrases like:
- run
- scream
- kick him
- fight back
- ask for help
- tell me sooner
- call the police
To be perfectly blunt, those are wrong words, phrases, and questions. Despite your good intentions, nearly anything you might say after opening with “Why didn’t you,“ would almost certainly be detrimental, and here’s why:
- When someone tells you…

