A new film, The Starling Girl, has hit the theatres, and it explores a common but often troubling phenomenon: abuse victims who have conflicted feelings about their perpetrators. Right up front: If you feel or have ever felt this way, please know that you are far from alone. It’s absolutely normal, maybe even typical. Abuse victims often see or read about other abuse victims because of court cases, either criminal or civil. (In part, that’s because it’s easy and safe for news media to report on cases that are in the justice system, as opposed to reporting on abuse allegations that have not been filed in court.) The media are drawn to conflict. They are also drawn to things that shock and appall us. Criminal prosecutions and civil lawsuits involving abuse are, by definition, shocking and appalling and involve conflict, so they attract media attention.
But often, the…
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